Talking vs. Listening: When You Say Too Much You Lose, and Why Being Quiet Is Exhausting

This is the Dearing Acting Studio Podcast where we discuss the connection between life and acting. Okay, welcome back everybody to the Dearing Acting Studio Podcast. Today I am Matthew Dearing. Today I'm Matthew Dearing. Just today? Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. Today we've got with us Shea Toepel and Joey Sweeney. Hello everybody. Shea just got back from a little three-day wedding bender. Oh man. Down in Florence, is this right? Yeah, my best friend got married in Florence, Arizona conveniently like right next to the prisons and it was so funny even the wedding coordinator like said it in her speech. No, she did not. Oh yeah, for real. She was like, um, what'd you say? She goes, welcome to Florence where you'll, where you'll see six prisons around us. Oh no. Whatever. And, but I, half of me kind of liked it because I was like, that's dope that you own the fact that nobody lives here. No, nobody ever, ever wants to come out here. But, but it's this venue in, in the middle of the ugliest part of Arizona, right? But it's this stunning gorgeous place that they've put in the middle of nowhere. Interesting. And I, I liked it. I was like, that's cool. Like, that's cool that you bring light to the fact that nobody wants to be in Florence, Arizona. I'm done with that. Yeah. You know, but, and part of it too is like you watch all the people. It was, it was a great two days. It really was. I told, I told my friend, I said, I'm more stressed about your wedding than I was about mine for sure. That's because you're such a good person. I gotta tell you. Oh man.

Big facts. Thank you. That's the thing. Like if you really care and love about, love somebody, you're going to be totally focused on them. And that's, that's what you were. That's really cool. Yeah. And it was, it was cool too, because I was, I kept telling her because so many people told me this and then you go through it and then you believe it, but you can't believe it until you've gone through it. But it, it really is so sad that you spend a year or more planning and spending money and doing this and that and dreaming of this perfect day. And it really does go by so quickly. And I told her funny enough, cause I went to, um, and, and you know, it's, I, I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I feel like it's like anything else where you, you plan, like you said, this perfect day and it's, it's not going to be perfect.

No, it just isn't. I mean, it, it, it won't, it won't be perfect. But what's interesting is the things that go wrong become the memories and become the thing you look back on and go, Oh, like that thing. Remember when that thing happened, we were late and it was crazy and then we got there and it was still great. And that's what makes it, that's what makes it your day and, and special to you. And, and you had told me, Matt, when Jake and I were going to his Christmas party, that was located next door to where we got married. And Matt was like, you know, take like mental snapshots in your brain and remember that day. Cause I got married at the place right next door a year ago.

And I told Brenna that I was like, take a moment where you can just sit by yourself and survey everything, everyone that's around you and everybody who, who got in their cars and drove to Florence, Arizona to be here because you wanted them there. Yeah. And, um, cause there's so much stress that goes into, you know, the people that RSVP that, that didn't show up or the other way around.

And I'm like, Brenna at the end of the day, first of all, you won't think twice about who's there. You get to make this commitment that you've dreamt about for so long. And then you get to, and I wrote her a letter and I said, this isn't the start of the rest of your life. Like everybody says, this is just a continuation of this, this new best version of yourself that you now have a partner that is in it with you. Yeah. And that's what you made the commitment for. And it couldn't have been a more beautiful day. And we just had fun and relaxed. And, um, and I know she's probably going through the wedding hangover, um, probably both terms of that word, but she's probably going through that hangover. It's this like lull that you get cause it's just over. Right. Right. And that's, that's the issue in life actually. If you, if you focus too much of like your goals onto a thing, um, as a matter of fact, we're going to be talking about this tomorrow, this goal setting idea in our workshop. But one of the things that's so important is to check in on your goals and then to make sure that you're always moving them and adjusting them, adjusting your sales and, and yes, celebrate when you hit a milestone. But ideally by the time you're celebrating, you've already got your sights on the next thing. Right. Yeah. Cause if you don't, then you hit your goal, which is, which is awesome. Like, and then you, you, you hit the lull immediately afterward. And, and what's, I think what's funny about marriage is you get, it's so typical when you get married and then it's when you're having kids, when you're buying a house, blah, blah, blah. And, and I think it's different, like going back to what you said, Matt, about restructuring your goals. And instead of saying, I want to lose X amount of weight, I want to, you know, run every day. Remember we talked about that. And I, I was talking to her about this and I was like, you know, people are going to ask what's the next plan. When are you buying a house? When are you doing this? All those big milestones are huge, but focus on the, the everyday milestones, you know, like all those, all those little things that you make those decisions together. Um, and those are milestones in itself instead of focusing on, okay, when is, when do, when am I going to get to the next thing that society tells me I need to get to?

You know, you know, what's funny is my favorite part about you and Jake's wedding actually was not the wedding itself because obviously had a great time. Like we had a bunch of people that were there and community supporting, like we all got to be at a table together. It was a ton of fun, but my favorite part of your wedding was actually seeing the picture of you and Jake at In-N-Out afterwards. Oh yeah. Seriously. Because, uh, cause, cause I remember you guys were on keto at the time for like the longest time. Yeah. Like literally probably six months. Six months of no, no carbs, like zero. Like crazy. Yeah. So then I saw that and I was like, oh no way. That's so cool. Yeah.

Like that's how you guys went out and celebrated. And like, you were both smiling. You were still in your dress. He was still in his tux. And I was like, it warmed my heart so much. And it was so funny because like, of course the wedding was fun. Of course I had memories there, but like, that was my favorite part. Yeah. Was seeing the aftermath and like, like you guys not having that hangover right away. Like enjoying the moment all the way until the end, you know, and that, that was just cool. I, I literally, it's engraved in my brain. I remember it. I may be the only girl that went to In-N-Out after her wedding and her wedding gown, but you know, that's part of what makes our story so fun.

That's amazing. So today I wanted to talk a little bit about a form of listening. Um, and that is, that is maybe perhaps the most obvious form, which is just what happens when you stop talking, just being quiet. And, and, and what does that mean? Should we, should we just be silent for five minutes on the podcast? And just end it, just end it right there. Well, we could do that, but then, you know, then people won't know if we're ever coming back. They just hear the espresso machine in the background. So this, this concept is written all over, you know, every, every, you know, motivational seminar and it's all over the Bible. You know, God, you know, you've heard the saying, God gives you two, two ears and one mouth for a reason, et cetera. But you really do need to be careful about the words that come out of your mouth. Right. And I, I just believe there is this sense of, um, fulfillment and, and you can, you can go next level by just learning to be quiet, but it's not just not talking though. There's, there's so much more to it. Like, what are you doing with that space? Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Yeah. I think that's something that I've struggled with, um, for so long. And I've gotten to the point where I recognize it and I know when I'm doing it.

And there's, there's, so there's times where I have a very tight circle of friends. Um, but there's still certain things that I keep. I'm pretty private. Um, until I talk to the people that I, that I know I can trust, but I'm one of those people that will, I'm kind of like a vault. So people will tell me all their secrets and tell me all their stuff. And then I will get to a point with someone where I tell them something and then I immediately regret it. And I'm like, why did, and this is no offense to that person, but in my head, I was like, I didn't, I didn't owe you that.

I didn't owe you me telling you something personal about myself to fill space. There was no reason I needed to do that. And now I have unlocked a tiny part of myself and given it to you, um, who didn't need to know the information probably didn't care. And now, now has a key to that. Yeah. And that's all on me because I was one, maybe trying to be relatable, wanted to be liked or, um, was uncomfortable with silence. Well, and let's, let's, let's even drive that same idea and something that, that truthfully, Shea, you've worked through here and maybe you're still working through it as I am and whatnot, but you're, um, you know, this totally relates to business and it relates to acting, but it relates, it relates when you're, when a client comes in or somebody that, you know, if, if anybody's in sales, which by the way, everybody's in sales, um, when you start to talk and you say too much, you lose every time. And that, that was such a weird thing for me to, for me to understand. Cause I had told Matt when I first started working here that I had previously worked at a place where we kind of had like a, and I got so good at it of having this script of things that people needed to know. And then once I got everything out, it was no longer on me because I, I got to get all the information out that they possibly needed to know. And then I could answer questions thus far. But what I realized after Matt coaching was that, um, I wasn't listening to what they needed at all. I was really just making things harder on myself because in my head I was like, well, if I give them all the information, then it can't come back on me. But you know, so if somebody calls in and says, um, where are you guys located? Right. And I answer with, let me tell you every single thing we've done in the past three years. We started in 2007 in the doctor's office. And, and what Matt said, every time we'll do like sales training here or there, he'll be like, what did they ask you and what did you answer with? And I'm like so many things. And one that turns people off because you're not listening to them. You're just pitching for no reason to fill space.

And that was one of the most important things I could have ever learned was the power on the other end of the phone, on the other, other, other end of the conversation is when you just be quiet and you listen. Yeah. And you respond with what is necessary and truthful and real. And it goes right back into like the personal development side as well. Right. In the idea that Matt talks about, which is like every now and then you can't give information to a person when they're not ready for it. You know, you have to protect yourself in that way. So same idea. Like if, if you're not listening to the room, you could end up hurting somebody by saying something that they're not ready to hear yet. And you weren't listening enough to hear that and recognize that. And that's something that I've struggled with in the past where I'll say something at the wrong time with totally good intentions, but it blows up in my face because I wasn't listening. I wasn't down into the room and it sucks because it's like, I thought that you would want to hear that. Like I, I was genuinely trying to help or I was genuinely trying to be funny. And if you don't listen at all times, if you're not really present in the room, you're going to say the wrong thing. And then it's on you and you become the bad guy in a, in a case where you, you, you didn't mean to be, you know, for sure.

Yeah. You know, it's all about being present. It's this, um, the idea of presence and I have a whole chapter on curiosity, this genuine curiosity. And if, if you're listening and see, here's the deal. So, so all these, all these, it's hard not to talk about all the chapters cause they really are connected into one thing. Right. But if you're, it's not just being quiet, you have to be quiet.

And then during that space, you have to be unselfish and present and it's exhausting to be quiet correctly. It's exhausting. Yeah. So, so for instance, I've been hired before to be a consultant of sorts and spent eight to 10 hours listening to a room, listening to speeches, listening to people talk and interact and whatnot, and haven't said much more than maybe 20 words all day. Yeah. Right. And I'm getting paid at a high level to sit there and be quiet.

But at the end of the day, they want to know what I heard. Right. They want to know what did, what, what did I get from that, that they can learn from and grow from. And if I don't have answers throughout the entire day, if I wasn't completely present, they're going to know the difference. Right. And so at the end of a day of listening and, and just taking notes and, and really being engaged to be engaged in something is exhausting to be totally present and not let your mind wander to anywhere at all. Yeah. And, and that's the tough part too, is like you can miss one thing and that's the one thing you needed to hear. So if you aren't fully in that place and if you're not extremely engaged with your whole body, your whole mind, literally nothing can come into your head, you're, there's a good chance you missed the one thing you needed to hear no matter how long they're talking. Yeah. And I'll tell you this too, that that will be the one thing that the other person remembers. Yeah. Right. Was the thing you were not listening to. Right. And I think I had told you guys this. I don't know if I said it on the podcast, so I won't make it long just in case I do repeat it. But I, I think I told you guys that I started doing that with Jake when he's telling me something and I'm not listening. And I've started doing that where I'm like, Hey, I'm sorry. I'm not listening to you. Will you say it again? Because I wasn't listening right then. And I, and I missed whatever you said, sorry. And then it's, it's funny because that all washes away. Yeah. Like it, the, the resentment or the frustration when you're like, you're not, you know, you, are you, are you listening to me? And I'm like, you know what? No, I wasn't. Will you, will you say that one more time? And then it's, what's he going to do? Be mad? Yeah. Like he can't. Right. Because, because you released it. But if you say, if you say yeah, and then try to paraphrase the last couple of things he said. Oh, and I've done that a million times. Right. And you can get a lot of it right. But you didn't hear it. But he knows the truth. Yeah. You weren't really listening. You weren't fully engaged. Just say no. Just say nope. I sure wasn't. And that, that's something powerful that I've like, even with, with you, Matt, I've been able to do that in the last couple of days. We've both been able to do that back and forth and you've always been really good about it.

But like, there were a couple of times where like, I had to check a message on Instagram for the studio or like, uh, or a friend text me or whatever. And depending on what we had going on, I would either choose to do that and tell you that and go fully into that. Or I would put it down and I'd be like, oh, this is what happened. I'm paying attention to you right now. Yeah. And then you gave me the choice to do what you thought was best at that time. But it's, it's such a power move. It really is when you're able to be humble and present in that way. Cause then it's like, okay, here's the, here's the facts. Here's the information. What do you want me to do with it? And if it's somebody you genuinely care about your relationship with, then you can trust their answer. And then you have to listen, you know, and, and this, this will help you too in, um, learning to say no, which is very powerful. A small example. I'm sitting at, at the desk yesterday because you were at your wedding and, uh, Joey was teaching, which by the way, your first time teaching.

Joe killed it, killed it, killed it. He did so good. We got to get a better clap sound. I know. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, I'm sitting at the desk and you know, here's the deal. I trained you how to do this stuff. So I know how to do it. But when you're out of practice, you're out of practice, you know? So I'm sitting there going, Oh, it's, it's a little bit, I'm trying to figure it out. And, and so, um, so I'm doing that. And then one of, one of our crew members comes up Truman and he says, Hey, uh, here's the iPad. Cause I was going to listen to Joey. And he's like, just hit record when the class starts. And I told him, no, you need to do that. And he's like, Oh, you just have to hit the record button. And I said, I know I get that. But what I'm telling you is I'm not focused on this and this only. Right. And I have, I, I'm pretty sure that there's a good chance that I would miss it because it's not my primary focus right this second. So if you could take this, hit the record button, hand it to me that, that way I know it's being recorded. Right. Then I can listen to it when I have a chance. But, but that's like one of the most important things is we hit the record button. Yeah. Right. And so knowing that thing, I, I refuse to take responsibility for this unless he says, Hey, well I can't for this reason and this reason and this reason. Then I say, okay, good. Then I got that. And if I took that, nothing else would have mattered. Right. I have to make that my only one responsibility. Yeah. And that, and that's so cool. I had a similar moment, like in between the two classes where, uh, I honestly wasn't expecting to teach the teens after the kids. I was super happy that I got the opportunity, but I wasn't expecting that. And so I, uh, I was writing up like a little lesson plan of like things I could possibly do during the class. And, uh, and, and a couple of the crew members came up and were asking me questions, which normally I'm all about. And then finally, after like the second or third question, I felt like you, I was like, guys, honestly, I have to focus on this right now. Like I need to get this done so that I can be present when people come in for a class and then they were like, Oh, Oh, but they weren't used to hearing it. So there was a little bit of like a, what? And then they totally got it right away. But it was like this weird thing where it was like, huh. Okay. And people will respect you more, you know? And so, so, you know, just, just this last thought here on, on being quiet. There's this formula that I came up with a long time ago. I tried to write a book about it, but I wasn't in a state of mind to be able to write a book, but I, I, I tried. And the formula is it's for acting, but it really works for life. It's this idea of thoughts plus emotions equal movement. Thoughts plus emotion equals movement and movement is a big category. So movement could mean moving your mouth. Movement could mean moving physically or not moving physically. Um, you know, movement's a big thing. So the idea being what I think about changes how I feel, how I feel ends up changing what I say or don't say or do or don't do, et cetera. Right. And so therefore, where does it all begin? Well, it begins with thought life. So as an actor, you can't have thought life unless you've memorized correctly and done your work. Right. As a, as a teacher, as somebody that let's say you're going to facilitate this thing tomorrow, I can't have an active thought life going on if I'm feeling, you know, nervous or underprepared, et cetera. Right. Yeah. Um, and so you realize that when you're thinking, I mean, we, we, we think 50,000 thoughts a day, 50,000. Dang. It's crazy. It's a lot of thought. It's like, it's like almost 40 thoughts a minute. Like you're going, okay, there's all this going on in my head. Right. So you have to be so, that's what I'm saying. You have to be so disciplined to stay present and, and you need to protect yourself or you will fail at this. So that means you put your phone away, like not in the room, like Shea's phones right here. Your phone should be literally out of the room in the other spot. Right. So that, you know, for sure, 100% right now, you're the only thing that matters to me. And then this becomes the only thing that matters to me. And the more you do that, where you segment your focus, you can be fully in and you accomplish more on whichever thing you're doing right now. Yeah. So I didn't mean to rip on you with your phone shape, but the idea being here, if you think about it, you're fully engaged in this podcast right now. And a minute ago you were fully engaged in preparing for our casting, but you can't be both. For sure. So if you allow yourself to stress over one thing, then you're not fully in on the other thing. Right. And that's why, and to your credit, there have been times where you said, I'm out of the podcast today. Yeah. Yeah. Last week.

It was hard. It was hard. Let me tell you. And it's, I was, and I was so bummed about it, but, but the funny thing was, is I knew that without a shadow of a doubt that, that I wasn't going to be on it that day. And I knew it because of, because of what I had in front of me. And because what I was doing was trying to be unselfish. So I'm like, okay, we can get this podcast out.

The boys can do the podcast. They can do their thing. And then I can make their lives easier by getting this stuff done, which will make everybody's lives easier tomorrow. And you did that. And a hundred percent, you were correct. Yeah. And it was, well, and there wasn't even if you had the, even if you decided to do it and squeeze it in and whatever, the, the issue is this, there was too much stress going on. Oh, I wouldn't have been present. You wouldn't have been present. No, I would have been thinking about it the entire time.

And this is what most people do is they go home and they think about work and they go to work and they think about home and they're not fully present in either place. Right. Yep. And that's why I say it's, it's less about balance and more about counterbalance where it's, it's okay. That sometimes is more family. Like you had a bender, right? And I call it bender cause it's three days away with friends and your husband. And like, that's great. Like, that's awesome. And you need to be all in during that time. And then like, that's a counterbalance. You were zero here, all there. Great.

Then you come back here. And if you're here for like four hours today, then you're all in for four hours. Then you, I want you to go home, be all in when you're home. If you have to be back on another idea or job from the house, you shut the door or whatever. And you're like, I'm all in on this thing. And all of a sudden, like everybody gets your full, everything you got at all times and your relationships just flourish. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and what's funny about like last week, you being off the podcast is it goes back to that whole idea of like you, you're praised for it because I, I told Matt and Ryan and I was like, I was like, guys, I don't, I don't want to do this podcast without Shea. And, and they both kind of looked at me and they were like, they were like, no, we, we have to do the podcast. And like, and, and we want her on it too, obviously, but like, she's not going to be on it. But like, from that feeling, seriously, like I was sad you weren't going to be on the podcast. But in order to get Joey off of his sadness, I said exactly what you just said.

I was like, she's making the unselfish choice right now to do this, this, and this. She's doing it for us. We have a responsibility to do this podcast, do it at a high level, keep this ball moving the way she's keeping that ball moving. We just need to be grateful. Like that's all we got to do. And we got to move forward. Yeah. And you know, and not pretend like it's not a big deal.

It is a big deal. She's making a sacrifice. Admit it that it's a sacrifice. Praise her for that thing. Thank her for that thing. Be joyful. And then we have to do our part on our end to do a good podcast. Yeah. And so then we did that. But the cool part was that she ended up getting lifted up on the podcast because of that. Of course. And it wasn't just because of the soul thing, but that definitely contributed because it was, it was just another action that proved what we already felt about. And what was it? We just talked about it. It was unselfishness. Yep.

Right. And, and this is another thing that I, I'm hoping to really dive into tomorrow, but this idea of what you put out comes back to you. Right. Always. Right. So what were you, what'd you do? Right. This unselfishness, et cetera. Well then today, what happened? You, you had recorded something, you needed something shifted and you needed Joey's help because he's our tech guy and you reached out to him. He had an appointment. Yep. He moved his appointment immediately. Just said, Hey, I'm going to be a couple minutes late. He got your thing done. And, and I was here by the way. So I saw him, he, he did it without even thinking. It was like, right, like right away. And you were the only thing he was thinking about until that thing was done. He wasn't going to go do the next thing. Right. And you weren't thinking about that. Yeah. You text them and said, Hey, I'm going to be a little late. And then that was it. And then all of a sudden you were like 100% focused on this. And then of course life works itself out. His appointment was running late, so it didn't matter. And he had time to sit here and watch a Larry Fitzgerald video before he went down there. And then what was so cool is again, it's all these, it's all these things, right. That happened because they're supposed to. And what was so cool about that was Joey left, you were meditating. So you were out for the count. I'm by myself trying to get this thing done. That is a personal thing that doesn't have anything to do with work that I had a deadline on. Right. Joey had already helped me. I knew he had an appointment. I knew he had somewhere to be and I run into an issue and I'm like, what do I do? Like, like I can't, he, he already gave me a hundred percent and it would, at this point it would be selfish to call him in the middle of his appointment and say, I need you to help me. Yeah. So there, that was a non-negotiable. So I was like, Shea, figure it out on your own. And by the help of Google and YouTube, I figured it out. And it was like, so cool because I got to benefit from not having to interrupt his day again. And I got to learn a new skill. So that way I don't have to go running to him every time I, I need something like that done. And it just ended up so cool. Cause now I feel like I can be of help and service to Joey when he needed something like that done. Cause now I know how to do it. That's right. And whether or not you do it ongoing or not, or do that for him, you'll, you're so much better at so, at so many other things too, that you could lift him up in a bazillion ways and you do all the time, by the way, but, but you, but you can, but like, I love this idea. This, this attitude that's been instilled in you.

And I, I think it always, always there, you know, I mean, I, I like to think I can pat myself on the back for hiring somebody with amazing character, but, but let's, let's say it's been enhanced, you know, this idea of when I run into an obstacle, I don't say I can't, I don't say I'm stuck. I don't say, I say, how could I possibly, is there a way? And I try to find it. Yeah. And by the way, the next option was, was shake me and wake me up. And, and I, and I would have, and that's the thing. So I knew, I knew that in the worst case scenario, I had somebody to have my back. Boom. But the, but what is the, it's the thing you talk about all the time. What is the one thing that you can do to make everything else easier? And I'm like, okay, if I can try to figure this out by myself, um, one, I'm learning a new skill and two, I'm not, I'm not having to opt, you know, get you guys out of your place to help me with something personal. So, but again, I knew in the bottom of my heart, if I ran into a problem, I could have just called Joey or woken you up and it would have been fine. And you guys would have been like, yep, I'll help you. And it would have been fine, but I kind of didn't want to bank on that. So that was cool too. I was like, Shea, you need to, you need to pretend like you are alone in this studio and have nobody. And then worst case scenario happens and you can fall back. But why, like, why, why bank on that stuff? Right. You know, it's just like we were talking about today. Like, yes, you want to have all these things in place and then you can, there's always that thing in the back of your mind. That's like, you know, end of the day, I can bang on this end of the day. I can wing it end of the day. I can do this. And it's like, you can, but why, why would you set yourself up to go to your last resort before you've gone to ABCD and E first? And also like it, it, it sets you up to not be dependent on something. That's what I'm saying. Exactly. Like what, what would I have done if you were out of the country and everybody was gone? Yeah. And this is such a silly thing. Like it's not, it wasn't a big deal, but it, it was a big deal for my personal life, you know? And like, and, and it always feels good to learn something new and be successful in it. It just does to learn a new skill is so fun. Yeah. It just, it's also this idea too, where, where you, as you start to do this stuff and you realize, okay, like, what'd you say? You said, um, I, I turned to Google and YouTube and I found some answers and whatnot, right? It, you start to catch people or yourself and you, and you realize, oh, wait a minute. Am I making an excuse? Am I saying, am I saying something that's an absolute when really I shouldn't be? Um, and, and someone might, and then all of a sudden when someone gives you an excuse and says, oh, well, I didn't get this in because of whatever, immediately your first thought is like four or five options of wondering, did they try X, Y, Z? It's literally the, did you turn the computer on and off? Yeah. Like, and all that. And I remember the first time somebody told me, and I think, I think it was either JL or Brian. And in the sweetest, kindest way, I asked them how to do something on the Mac. This was when I was learning. I had no idea how to work back.

And they, in the nicest, most genuine way said, did you look it up on Google? And I was like, what? That never even crossed my brain because there's a weird fine line and we can get into this later. There's a weird fine line between, um, asking for help when you know it could get something done quicker. And like asking for help is either the smarter way, like work smarter, not harder or the lazy or the lazy way. Exactly. So it's like, are you asking for help because this is a time sensitive issue and I know Joey can get this done quicker than I can? Yeah. Like let's, let's put that energy on that. Or am I asking because I don't want to learn and I don't, I don't really care to do it. You know, yeah. And there were some, there were some wonderful people that have been in and out of the studio in the past. And I can tell you with a lot of certainty, one of the reasons why some of them are not here anymore. And, and I'm talking about way past and the idea was actually because of my why my why was specifically, I'm looking to bring people in and they were, you know, they were good people, this and that, but it wasn't necessarily for the right. Why? Yeah. So I'm, I'm recruiting someone in why to replace me. Why? So I can go home and be lazy. Yeah. That was my, cause I thought in my mind, that's what successful looked like. Right. Cause I thought I was deluded and thought that, that successful people, when they reach a certain level, they're just home all the time and they don't do anything and like they, they become rich and they don't do anything. So, so I had this idea of like, that's what success was in my mind. And it's such the opposite of that.

Yeah. But you don't know it until you kind of, you kind of put yourself through the ringer a few times and then realize, Oh yeah, like this is never going to end. Yeah. Ever. You tell it to us all the time to our team. It's, it's the idea that, um, you, you don't work hard to not have to work anymore. You, you do it to get better and then overcome the new obstacle. Yeah. You know, you're, you're not looking to get to a stopping point. You're not looking to go there. You're trying to push forward in a new way. Almost chasing, chasing the bigger obstacles. Yeah. Like it's, it's turning the, I always screw this up. It's turning the decimal points into commas. Yeah.

See what I mean? Like you're, so your decisions instead of decimal. Yeah. So, and that's what you're chasing is you're dealing with decimal decisions all day long, which are very important because those lead to the comma decisions. But you get to that point where success, you can, you can measure by what kind of problems that you're dealing with. Yeah. You know, and how can you delegate that down to your team? So that way everybody's in their correct seats and they're dealing with decimal points and you're able to use the, the unity of everything that has worked up to make that comma. Yeah. And that's where you want to be just chasing the commas instead of the decimal points. Boom. I think that's a great place to end right there. Dude, I was feeling it. Yeah. It was, uh, super, such a blessing to do the podcast with you guys. You guys, great energy today. So much fun.

Um, thank you for listening. Have a deering day, everybody.