Where to Find Love: Stop Looking, Remove the Barriers, Write the List, Then Ask Who That Person Would Want

This is Mornings with Matt, the Dearing Acting Studio Podcast, where we discuss the connection between life and acting. Alrighty, good morning everybody. Welcome to Mornings with Matt on the Dearing Acting Studio Podcast. Today we're talking about finding love. So, it's gonna be a good time, Joey. And I know why Brian's not here. He's running away from this subject. Dang, called him out. Yeah, it's facts. Okay, here we go. We're gonna start off with the Daily Devotional, which has become one of my favorites here on the show. Alright, so we're gonna start off with John 4-8 from the Bible. It says, whoever does not love does not know God because God is love.

Mmm. That's facts. Say it slower. I agree with this. So, it is John 4-8. Whoever does not love does not know God because God is love. Here at our studio, we say love is the center of everything we do. We believe in making love the decision maker. It's the factor that we decide things upon. So, to be real, things are not always easy. Responding from love is a very difficult thing to do.

To turn the other cheek is a very difficult thing to do. I believe in processing. I believe in, you know, figuring stuff out. But, you know, Jesus was like this crazy dude that's like, you know, everyone's like, hey, so what happens if we get, you know, if we get hit on by, like, our enemies and they start beating us up? You know, should we forgive them seven times? And Jesus is like, no, 70 times seven, bro. That's how many times.

Facts, you know, facts. Just for our audience that are visual learners. This is kind of what we're talking about. They can't see it. They can. They can kind of see it. Oh, barely. There's a circle. There's a circle. There's a heart. There's love. And love is at the center of the circle. I can't believe this guy is a single. Look at this guy. Signal? I'm a signal?

No, you're single. But you are a signal also, yes. I can't believe you're a signal. I am a turn signal. Yeah, so love is a responsibility. And you can just say in this moment, if you're not being loving, then you don't know God. And sometimes love can be the hardest thing to do. Yeah. You know, to sometimes reprimand somebody. Sometimes turn the other cheek. Sometimes to, you know, to be hard in a moment.

Sometimes to walk away from somebody. Yeah. That's the best way you can love sometimes. And you got to, and remember, too, that you got to love you. And we're going to talk a lot about that. First. Yeah, first. We got to talk a lot about that today. But putting on your own mask before you can mask somebody else. You got to find the love inside you first.

But not like a real mask because, you know, this is a metaphorical love mask is what this is. Yeah. Just wanted to clarify there. I feel like you're wearing a metaphorical love mask right now, Joey. Yeah, it's my natural. Your natural glow is a love mask. Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate that. You're welcome. Yeah. It's this idea of, you know, everybody's heard the saying, kill it with kindness, right?

Mm-hmm. And that's so hard for us to do. But that's exactly what this concept is. Yeah. Where, you know, killing it with kindness is killing somebody who's coming at you on purpose and just throwing love their way instead. Yeah. You know, so, um, so for instance, you know, somebody sends you a nasty text, email, phone call, whatever. They give you a bad attitude. Or even you hear rumors that people are doing stuff.

Yeah. And then you, you, instead of reacting, you just go, hmm, okay, how can I hit you with love? And the next time you talk to them, you go, congrats on blank. Right. Which is difficult. It's so hard. Yeah. But you, you'll always, you'll always feel better by taking that high road. That's the truth. All right. So, uh, next we're going to be talking about Peter 4.8.

I love Peter. Got another, got another verse here. Peter 4.8. It says, above all, love each other deeply because love covers a multitude of sins. Um, I think, I think a lot of this stuff comes back to that idea of, of who's going to cast the first stone kind of deal. For sure. And so, here's, here's, here's, here's this moment, right? Okay. So, so you're getting, like you said, you're getting attacked in some way and you, and, and you want to react.

Your, your fleshy body, worldly self wants to react and wants to seek revenge. And despite Dakota George's monologue recently, which was so funny, uh, revenge is not a good reason to do anything. And so, um, so though you want to seek revenge, we are called to love. We are called to, to hit back with kindness because trust me, you're going to fail. Yeah. And that's the idea is like, you know, it, it says love covers a multitude of sins.

Meaning it's not saying like, we want you to cover it up. Not saying that. No. It's saying love, love will take care of a lot of stuff. Mm-hmm. And I think there's a deeper meaning there too. This idea of love covers your sin, like the, the, those sins. Right. And the deeper meaning there is if you choose to attack it from love, you're protecting yourself from sin.

True. You know, because if you react, you're just as bad. Well, and, and, and it's saying love, love each other deeply. Right. Yeah. And if it's true that I really love you deeply. Yeah. If it's true, then also it makes it much easier for you to forgive me, not if, but when I screw up. 100%. And it, it also, I think goes back to respect too. Mm-hmm.

You know, if you respect somebody, you might not always agree with them, whatever, but if you respect them, then it's easier to love. Yeah. Because you go, oh, I respect this person. I don't agree with their viewpoint on blank, but I can, I can respect what their viewpoint is and what they've done. So I can love them from that, knowing that that's the core of who they are.

They are doing good. Right. Yeah, a hundred percent. All right. So, um, so going to the, uh, the opening monologue here, which is, I, I say this a lot, which is that I'm imperfect and I'm happy to say it because so it's so easy to admit and anybody knows me knows I'm not perfect. But what I'll tell you is that sincerely through all my screw ups every day, my intentions are good.

Mm. I do love people. And I do try to approach things from love. And when you do that, when you do that sincerely and you have a sincere hope, a sincere desire to help others, and you get seen through this lens of, he's trying to love me, she's trying to love me, this person's trying to love me. It's, it's much easier to hear the core of what they're trying to say.

This goes back to what you guys were talking about yesterday, the idea of deep listening. You don't need to be reactive to the surface, to words on the top, but you, but you want to be really listening deeply for what's underneath and, and you know, or at least, at least ideally you, you get to know, you get to the bottom of is somebody coming at you from a sincere desire to hurt you or are they coming at you from love?

And you, and you learn to decipher that. Yeah. The, the better you get, the more mature you get in your walk. A hundred percent. Love that. So today we're going to go through three segments here. We're going to start off with, um, talking about the fact that it's okay to love. It is okay to love. And, and that, that seems, um, it seems obvious, but, but it's not necessarily, um, specifically it's okay to want to love.

It's okay to, if that's a desire that's in your heart, we're going to talk about that. We're going to start there. Then in our second segment, we're going to, we're going to talk about the fact that, um, either way, it's not, it doesn't matter. Cause it's not a choice. Love is, love is not a choice. God calls us to love one another. And so we're going to dive a little deeper into that, even though I know we already started there.

You're going to, you're going to, you're going to disrespect the big man. You're going to, you're going to, you're going to, I don't recommend it. You're going to not follow it. Yeah. And then, uh, and then lastly, our, our quick takeaway, we're going to go ahead and tell you where to find love. It's good timing because it's right before Valentine's day. Yeah. So I'm going to tell you where to find the love right before Valentine's day.

If you're one of these single guys, I'm going to be honest. I'm bummed that one of our single girls is not what is up. We'll do it. We'll do it. Yeah. All right. So we'll be back right after this short commercial break. All right. Welcome back, everybody. Hilarious. Whoopsies. Love listening to you laugh back. We were talking about the, the fact that, uh, Joey printed the sheets this morning and, uh, when Joey printed the sheets this morning, he decided to use 11 font.

So, um, can't see it all that well, but I promise you. That looks like nine font to me. Are you sure it's 11? I don't think it's 11. I think it's nine. Yeah. I mean, it could be nine. It could be nine. Yeah. All right. Anyway, here we go. It's pretty small. Uh, first segment here. It's okay to want love. I'm going to start off with one of my quotes here.

All right. Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. That is Rumi said that Rumi says your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. It's very interesting. So, so I believe that the core of all emotions comes back to love.

The core of every character comes back to love. That's why I say the center is love. God is in the center. You are love. God is in all of us. So it's, it's, it's to me, it's an undeniable truth. Stop trying to deny it. It's facts. That there is a God. Yeah. And I know some people will be like, man, but I'm like, okay, and I'd be like, if you can admit there's love, then I'm going to tell you there's a God.

And I'm going to tell you that we actually share the same perspective, whether or not you understand that, um, or, or you call it something else. I'm not going to condemn you or, or try to try to tell you you're wrong or anything like that. I'm just going to say from my point of view, it's pretty obvious God exists. And I'll be in the background like, yo, that's facts.

Facts. Yeah. So, so what are we saying here? We're saying, we're saying, um, it's okay to want love. That's what I'm saying. It's okay to want love. But Rumi's saying here, your task is not to seek it. So I can want it different than me, than me seeking it. Okay. But instead what he's saying is to remove the barriers from within yourself that is stopping you from achieving love.

And here's what happens is a lot of times the things that are painful to us in our life, we, we go back to it and we relive it and we end up, we end up in, um, emotionally dead or, or abusive types of relationships because that's what we know. And we haven't healed that thing within ourselves yet. Okay. Key word, key word yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So let's just say that, that you ended up with a, um, uh, let's say one of your parents was, uh, was an alcoholic or a drug addict or something like that.

It's, it's, it's crazy how much more likely that person is if they had a parent in that situation to end up with somebody who is that way. Yeah. I mean, it kind of goes back to this idea, especially they say it, um, specifically with girls, but I feel like it's the same guys too. No, guys too. Um, but, but with girls, you know, you, because you idolize your, your dad, um, you end up finding somebody that's very similar to him.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And, and same thing with your mom. Yeah. You end up, you end up finding women who, who remind you of your mom. Sometimes, you know, like, like that happens sometimes, but what has to happen inside you is you need to find the good there, but you have to heal the other side. Yeah. Because there are, there are barriers within you that are stopping you from, from achieving this thing of love.

And, and when I say romantic love, I'm not, I'm not talking about the physical side because you can have physical relationships with people without there being love there. So to find love, you've got to, you've got to break through some of, some of your old, um, garbage that's going on in your head. That's, that's beating yourself up essentially. Yeah. And it's like self-made walls, right? Yeah. So you, you picture like, this is one of those funny dance moves, but like literally there's like a brick wall around you.

Sure. Like this. And, and how many times. You have to like take away the pieces. Right. To open yourself up to, like you said, you don't seek it, but when it comes to you, you also have to be open to it, willing to it, ready for it. But it's not going to come to you if you don't, if you don't remove the barriers. Mm. See, and that's, that's what, that's what Rumi's saying here is, is if you don't remove the barriers, it's not going to come to you.

You, you'll have already, you'll have already like pushed it away. So how many times have we said to somebody else or heard somebody say that, oh, I just keep finding the same kind of person. I don't know why I always find this kind of person. I don't know why I always find somebody who, who, who cheats or I can't, I don't know why I always find somebody who, who's already in a relationship with somebody else, you know?

And like, I don't know why I keep going through the same pain over and over and over again. Like, why do I keep doing this? Mm-hmm. And the truth is you haven't healed. And maybe the love that was right there, it was right in front of your nose, but you turned it away and you ended up seeking something else that's not really love. But, but you, you actually like just let potential love float out the door because you weren't willing to heal you first.

Facts. So there seems to be this burning desire inside all of us to find love. That's, that, that seems like a thing. Um, we, we want love. We want to be loved. Mm-hmm. That is, that is, it's a human thing. And so that's why I say it's okay to want love. Yeah. It's very okay. It's okay for a child to reach up and want to be held by their parent.

To want to be loved. Like we, we, we crave it, you know? And, um, you know, though we are talking about romantic love today, really it boils down to all kinds of love. Yeah. We do seek love or, or, or we want love. We don't seek it. We, we want it. It's something that we crave to feel. Yeah. Now, of course we can feel that anytime by turning to God because God is inside of us and God is love.

Yeah. So you can, you can choose to feel loved right away if you turn to that place to source because you are being loved in a way that's indescribable. Yeah. Well, I think this, this topic specifically relates very well right now for the last year we went through because, um, a lot of the ways we would love each other publicly, like hugging and getting close and like having conversations.

Like most of that has died down for a lot of people, you know, and they went and, and specifically people who don't have like a ton of people in their home or in their bubble. Your whole world gets flipped, flipped upside down and you don't have somebody right next to you beside you to help you through it. You have God, but you don't have somebody to hug, you know?

And so, uh, so that can be really challenging, really tough. So you have to allow yourself to be hugged by God. Mm-hmm. Boom. And it's probably a really warm hug. It probably is. So, so Joey, I'm going to get personal here. Get personal. Do you, do you want romantic love in your life? Yes. Yes, I do. Because I have a theory that most of us do. Mm-hmm.

That most of us want that. Yeah. Um, you know, so, so you do. Here's what's interesting. You have removed some of the barriers for, for that. Mm-hmm. Because if I were to have asked you this eight months ago, you would have said, no, I don't think so, or I don't know, or what, out of fear. Yeah. because love and fear can't exist in the same space. Yeah.

I was just about to, like, I was literally thinking that. Good. But that's so true. That's so true. You know, there, there are two opposite sides of the spectrum and fear is not a godly emotion. He says that in the Bible, fear, guilt, all that, that doesn't come from God. Yeah. You know, that means that you've, you've lost way a little bit and you got to bring it back so that you can feel that love.

I'm going to, I'm going to actually, uh, his was interesting. These, these, these last two quotes on this segment, I've, I've realized I want to put them down in the last segment. So I'm going to grab a quote from the last segment here. This is a, this is one from mother Teresa here says, let us always meet each other with a smile for the smile is the beginning of love.

Hmm. That's interesting. You know, people that, that always greet you with a smile. Yeah. Yeah. Always. Just always. There's just like, okay, that's the beginning of love. Joy is the beginning of love. This, this, what does it take to smile at somebody? It is actually vulnerable. Yeah. Our, our, our agent, Aunt Ruth, Ruth Layton, she does that all the time. Even like when, when I went in to get signed, like when she's coming to help Brian, when she pops into the studio every now and then, it's always smiley.

It's always bubbly. You know, she's always got, uh, checking in, you know, how are you guys? Yeah. How are you doing guys? Oh, how are we? Oh, Matt, come here. Talk to me. How's Brian? Tell me about Brian. Yeah. No, she, she works. She, she runs a mile a minute. Um, but yes. So this idea of, of approach it from a smile, approach each other from a smile.

Mm-hmm. Here's, here's what happens. And this is a part of this like romantic love thing. If I smile at you, it's vulnerable. Mm-hmm. Sometimes people don't smile back. Yeah, sure. And I, and I mean, like this, like you said, this comes, this comes across via text message. It comes across via email. I may put myself out there and really show you that I care and that I love, and then you could respond back with nastiness or nothing.

Yeah. And, and it can hurt. Yeah. It's interesting because, you know, um, specifically in the emails I send, whether it's a casting director or an actor or whatever, like I would say probably 90% of the time at some point in the email, I put a smiley face in there, like the colon and then the, and then the dash. And I'm like, why? Well, I usually do it because I'm smiling when I write it.

I do a lot of that too. I'll do the smiley face at the end of that sentence. I do a lot of that too. And that's why I, I will rewrite an email and rewrite an email and rewrite an email until it's honest. Yeah. I don't like putting things on there that are not true ever. And so if I can't believe what I'm saying, then I got to go back and redo it.

So until I can believe the smile, like if I'm not, if I'm not really smiling when I write it, I shouldn't put the smiley face. Yeah. Right. Like for instance, we're in the middle of a casting. Somebody had trouble with the, with sending the file to me. Right. But they, they like, they like really tried and they were, they were on the older side, you know, they're, they're clearly adapting.

And so I replied back cause she was like, so sorry. Thanks for the help and all that. And I replied back. I was like, it's all good. No need to be sorry. We got it. Good luck. And then I said, I said, PS, we're all adapting to the new audition world. That's so nice. Smiley face. Yeah. With a smiley face. Yeah. Cause I, cause I was called to do that and I was smiling when I thought of it and I was like, boom.

Well, and we just talked about this this morning. There were 30 people or more who did it wrong, who caused us, you specifically extra time, effort, work because they didn't do it right. And it's so much easier to be kind to somebody when they've done the work, when they put the time in to try their best and you can really tell, and they're being kind and they're approaching it from a smile.

If you have a good heart, it's hard not to smile back. Yeah. And I know some people don't, but that's the risk we have to take. We got to be willing to do that and put yourself out there. I don't think you'll ever regret smiling. Right. Well, well, you, that's what I'm saying. Weirdly in the moment, you do sometimes when you don't, when it's not reciprocated. Yeah.

When you, when you feel embarrassed, but I'm just saying in general. Yeah. No, no, no. You go home that night. I agree with you. Long term. You don't ever, you don't ever regret being loving because you don't, you don't always get to, we don't get to see most of the time the reaction that that has on the other person. But even if they don't react to us in the moment, it's just a fact you changed their day.

Yeah. You did. So because you know, you never know what they went through before you showed up. If you're the hundred and fifth actor or person that's been in there and they just got yelled that 14 times and then you come in with a smile, they might not give you the reaction, but you just made their day better. Guaranteed. Guaranteed. So, um, so we talked about this a little bit earlier, but I'll just, I'll reiterate this idea of if, if you're, if you're in this camp, know that you're not alone.

It's okay to want to say, I love you, but a lot of people struggle with this, especially well men, but men in like my father's demographic, they, there was a, and then their father's demographic and their mother's demographic. There was a time when, when that was sort of, um, really, really kept secret. I know there are people in my parents demographic who never heard the words, I love you from their parents.

Like never, their whole life didn't hear it or, or like maybe once a year. My kids probably hear it like 17 times a day, maybe too much. Who knows? Yeah. Well, it goes back to that idea you've talked about a handful of times on the show. You either hug your kids too much or not enough. Either way they're going. There's no such thing as, yeah, there's no, there's no such thing as a perfect parent.

Exactly. So, so it's okay to want to say, I love you. It's okay, it's okay, uh, to want to hear, I love you. And it, and it, and it can feel weird if you're not used to doing it, but know that it's okay. Know that that's all right. And you can practice. You can practice, um, opening up your heart a little bit and being sincerely loving to people.

And by doing that, by, by learning to open up your heart to the right people and honestly learning to refine who you say I love you to and really, really, cause you got to mean it, you know? Mm-hmm. Um, uh, our man, Nick Milotta, war vet or not war vet. He's a, he's a, uh, I don't know if he's been in war or not, but he's, he's military man.

So he's, he's a veteran and, um, very grateful of that. And we, we had a few different conversations and he, he came up to me after class the other night and just said, Hey, I just want to thank you for honestly, like what you said. I really want to thank you. And I, I looked at him right in the eyes and I was like, dude, I love you.

I meant every word of it and I love you. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I really mean it. And then I left and then I walked away. And then I walked away in dramatic fashion. Like my job. Yeah. But for real, like it, that's, that's me opening up and, and opening up my heart and exposing that. And the truth is anybody's capable of backstabbing you.

Anybody's capable of, you know, hurting you. Anybody's capable of spreading rumors about you or whatever, you know, not that I would ever think Nick would, but I wouldn't think a lot of other people would have that have. Yeah. And so I understand I'm putting myself in a vulnerable position by, by letting myself love again, love students, knowing students that they're going to leave even, you know, look at somebody like Kylie Gilbride.

Love this girl. She's a, those of you, you know, may not know her, but she was a student here for like, you know, whatever it was, like a decade, you know, and I love that kid. Love her. Well, she had, she had to go off to college. She, she needed to like move on. Of course I need to love her on the way out. Yeah. You know, you can't hold on to people in that way.

And you can't be scared to love. You have to, you have to understand that it's okay to want love, but in order, in order to ever get it, you're going to have to give it, you know, and you got to practice giving it. You got to practice opening yourself up in, in the little areas. Yep. You know, love your parents, love, love your neighbors, love your community, love, love your coworkers, love your boss, love those who are not nice to you.

Yeah. Love them. Yep. Love. And I mean this, love your enemies. Yeah. I'm going to dive into this quote here by Mr. Martin Luther King Jr. It goes like this. Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend. I'll say that again. Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend. That's big. Yeah. That's really big. You know, and Martin Luther King Jr., obviously a man went down in history.

Yeah. Changed the world. Changed the world. Changed the world. We're still talking. He was not a perfect man. No. I'm pretty sure he said, I'm not a perfect man. Well, he's smart if he did. Yeah. Because none of us are. But you look into his history and people can rip him for some of his personal life if they want to. Okay. Yeah. Go ahead. You know. Go ahead.

You want to cast the first stone. Go ahead. Yeah. I'm not here to say he's perfect. I'm saying that this quote of his is a good quote. Yeah. Because I agree. 100 people. Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend. And how much more valuable to you is that person going to be as a friend versus an enemy? Yeah. I don't think any of us want enemies.

No. No. It's one of those things that unfortunately happens. Right. But none of us are like, hey, I want to go make some enemies today. Like. You know what would be fun? You just come across it. Top of my to-do list today. Let me try to seek out some enemies. Yeah. Let me see. Like, who would be a really good enemy? That's like Batman in the Lego Batman movie.

And I know you get this because of the kids. But he's like, he's like, I need an enemy that's better than the Joker. Right. You know? So funny. Like, and, and, and it's funny because like in that movie, the Joker gets his feelings hurt like so bad because of the love in that relationship. So even though they're fighting for two different sides, you know, it's, it's a kid's movie.

But that, watching that movie made me realize like, oh dang, everybody's role is important. You know? Yeah. And so, so even though he's, he's like technically a bad guy, like. That does not mean you are a bad guy. Yeah. Yeah. Like he, he was straight up sad when Batman was like, yeah, you're not good enough. Right. There's a, there's a, there's a, that's right. There's a role for people and, and you need them in your life.

And you can even love your enemy for being your enemy. That's the weirdest thing. Yeah. I've said this before. We've gotten, we've gotten some, some nasty things from time to time. And I, and I try my best, not perfect, but I try my best to take some of these nasty comments or things that if people want to be hating on us and to, to decipher the bad out and go, what's the core of this?

And can we grow? Can I say thank you? Can I, can I love my enemy for being mean to me because there's, cause they're revealing weakness that I can actually fix. Yeah. So thanks for, you know, trying to bring me down because it exposed something that's actually going to make me stronger. So thank you. Love you. Appreciate you, Mr. Enemy, Mrs. Enemy. And if, if pride's not in the way there, if you're not so taken back by whatever they said, then you're able to do that.

You're able to grow. And like you said, then, then your enemy is straight up helping you for sure. All right. We're going to, uh, we're going to move on here. We're going to go to a quick commercial break. And when we come back, we're going to talk about the fact that love is not a choice. We are called to love. It's going to be a great segment.

We'll see you in a minute. All right. Love is not a choice. We are called to love. We're going to talk about that right now. So, um, here's a quote here by Robert A. Heinlein. Heinlein? Heinlein's a cool name. Yeah. It's a pretty cool name. I don't know if I, I don't know if I've, if I was a woman and I was going to be taking on the name Heinlein, how excited I would be, but I mean.

Bro, you totally sat down. Look at your head right now. You totally, you were like sitting up and then you sat down. Or I just, there you go. I don't, I don't, I think that's where you were. It's okay. It's all good. I'll come fix it. I'll come fix it. It's all right. We're good. So, uh, anyway, Robert A. Heinlein, love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.

I like that one. This is facts. Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. So if you really love somebody, um, you, you don't necessarily, uh, uh, it's hard for you to feel good if they're not feeling good, you know, although this, this quote's dangerous. I, I think, I think, uh, Paul would, would, uh, would like to wrestle with this one.

If I, if we were, if we had Paul here, he'd be like, um, I'm not. I'm not sure about this one, Matt. Don't go back up for one second. Cause here's the problem is you have to be, you have to be, uh, responsible for your own happiness. You have to be responsible for your own, like joy and whatnot. So when this is saying it's a condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own.

I don't know if I can, if I can pull that off or not. I, I'm not sure. Sure. So then I'll just pose a question to you really quick. Heinlein might be wrong. He might be out of line. He might be, he might be, or he might've worded it incorrectly, but I'm, but I'll just pose a question, would you not say that Leeann is that way for you?

Cause I think she is from what I've seen, you know, yes, you have such a deep connection commitment. Like making her happy actually does fill your bucket as long as she's grateful for it. Yes, but the same is true of you and Brian and the students here and Paul and my kids and my parents and you know, my dog, like when people are not happy, it, it can, it can weigh on me.

That doesn't mean it's right though. And that's, that's what Paul would say is, is like, here's the problem. Cause, cause what if, what if Leeann can't be happy for two weeks? then like, like, I mean, I can't be happy. No, it's not, it's not the, it's not the case. It's so the, so the, and the problem is if that's the way I look at it, that I'm going like, okay, well, um, I'll never be happy because there's never a time that all the people I love in my life are all happy all at the same time.

Yeah. So like it ain't going to happen. So we'll sit on this for one second. You said like that translation is not right. Can we find the right translation? Yeah, I think so. I think, I think love is, he says love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. And I don't think that that's true, but I think I would say love is the condition in which the happiness of another person really matters to you.

Like I really care whether or not you're happy, Joey. I mean that. Yeah. I love you in the sense that I've told you this before. I would let you go from here. I would let you leave if I thought it was what was best for you. Yeah. I mean, either way I'd let you go because I don't have any control over you, but I'm just saying like, like I would kick you out is what I mean.

I would kick you out if I, if I loved you so much, which I do. And I saw another opportunity and you asked me my opinion or something, or even didn't, I might be like, bro, you got to go. If the Cardinals called and we're like, hey, we want you to announce the game from now on in the booth, you would be like, yeah, do it. I feel like probably.

Yeah, but that's not even a good example. And then I'd be like, come to the booth, man. Come to the booth with me. Yeah, but, yeah, but that's not even a good example. Hmm. Why not? Well, cause you could do that in this. Oh, I guess that's true. Yeah, that's facts. This is facts. But, but, but point being, so, so, so, and, and, and I don't, and I don't even know about that.

Like, like we would get to the bottom of that and realize where is that coming from? But, but it may be, yes. Um, you know, Siebert recently, he, he left to, to do like a Netflix type show and he was feeling so bad that he was going to miss the showcase. He was going to let people down. I was like, bro, you, you, you underestimate our love for you, man.

Mm-hmm. You underestimate, you think for one second we would make you feel guilty or want you not to go? Yeah. Like what? And students do that. And, and I like that they care. I like that he cares. I like that he's feeling that because I, I know his heart's in the right place. Mm-hmm. But as long as his heart's in the right place, man, you got to run, you got to go free.

You got to be honest and, and, and be willing to admit like the truth is he loves us. Mm-hmm. He loves the class. He loves his classmates. He loves this space. And he's going to miss it because he loves it. He's going to miss it. Mm-hmm. That's true. But he knows deep down inside he's not letting anybody down. Well, and then, and then what's interesting on that is like you can tell once you let somebody go and do their thing like that, um, you can tell that their intention was true and like their, what they were saying was true because like he hopped on every freaking showcase we had this week and every show we've had this week.

He's on there in the live chat every single time. There you go. Like cheering on his classmates. Is he on, is he, is he on the live chat this morning? I haven't seen him on here this morning. Where's the love, Matt Siebert? Yeah. Where is the love? Where is the love, Matt Siebert? We're talking you up and, and you're not even. He's probably doing a workout in his room, waking up the neighbors.

Oh my gosh. Yeah. He got security called on him. It's hilarious. All right. So, um, love's not easy though. Mm. You know? So when I say you're called to do it, I mean, I mean, you're called because it's not easy. Yeah. Um, but, but when I say that everybody secretly wants love in their life and, and I think they do. I mean, even, even people who end up like celibate or this or that or whatever, like there's a part of us that's human, that craves human interaction and craves this like romantic type love.

Right. Yeah. And so, so if you make that choice, good for you. That means, that means that that's your path and that that's, that's great. It's good for you. Um, but, but I, I still would maybe, maybe call you on. Are you sure you've never craved it, you know, and, and make sure that that's actually true because I think most people, most people do crave it. Yeah.

I think there's people that let go of it. You know, they're, they, they, they let go of the expectation. They hit a certain point and they go, you know what? I'm actually very happy by myself and, and that hasn't come for me yet, you know? So, so, um, so this is something I'm okay with. I'm not going to be upset about it. Yeah. You know? All right.

So I'm going to, I'm going to jump, I'm going to jump into a different style of language for one second. Jump, jump. This is something we talked about with, um, with Paul, the, something you should really listen to divine roots by the way as well, cause, um, Paul dropped some knowledge on there, but, but Joey asked him specifically about the idea of vibrations and what, what that meant to be sort of in a higher vibration, a different vibration, et cetera.

And, and you think about, you know, the world being in different vibrations and that we are all molecules vibrating and, and to be, and to raise your vibration, like, what does that mean? And so basically, I, I, again, I don't believe you get to choose love. I think love is built in. It's, it comes with, it comes with the, the program. Sure. You know, God makes you and then like, you don't get a choice, like love's in there.

Yeah. Love's, love's, love's in there. So, so you have it now, whether or not you decide to listen to it or obey it or, or, you know, allow that to, to be the center of, of all your choices, that's up to you, but it's in there and I'm talking in everybody, even the, even the most evil people in the world, there is love someplace inside of them.

Yeah. You just got to really dig, dig, dig with some people. Because some people hide it and some people don't listen to the spirit inside. Some people shut that out. Right. But you can't escape it. But you can't escape it. Exactly. It is there. Yeah. And so, um, but having said that, and I kind of mentioned this earlier, but it's, it's not easy. It's not easy to be vulnerable.

It's not easy to love and it's not even easy, even easy to admit that I desire to be loved. Like that's not easy either. But, but let me, let me, um, let me dive into something you said yesterday, Joey, because I listened to part of the show. I haven't had a chance to listen to the whole thing yet, but I listened to part of the show and you had mentioned something about, um, when, when I pulled you aside, you weren't working here or anything yet, we were up at the cabin and, and you were like throwing up, you were not feeling good.

So that brings me to this quote here by Lao Tzu. And this is how you, this is how you know you're on the path to love here. He says, being deeply loved by someone gives you strength. We just talked about this. Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength. While loving someone deeply gives you courage. So to be loved gives you strength. To love gives you courage.

They both help you. But why is it, why does he say this? Why, why does it take courage to love somebody? Well, it's because like, I have to be courageous to be vulnerable. I have to be courageous to tell you to believe it's going to be a certain way because it may or may not be, but your belief one way or the other, all I know for sure is that one is going to make the other more likely to happen.

You know, so it takes a lot of courage to love somebody. You know, if you decide, Joey, let's just say to, um, and I'm not even talking about love. I'm talking about starting to open yourself up to love. Yeah. For you to say to a girl, let's say you, uh, let's say you were out with us and we're hanging out and we're like, uh, we're having lunch and there's a, there's a group of people next to us and we know one of them is one of Brian's friends from church group or something.

And we're like, Hey, well, let's all eat together. And we do. And then, and there's like a spark. You can just feel it. There's a spark between you and one of the girls sitting at the table. It would take courage for you to ask for her phone number. That would take courage. It would take courage to put yourself in that place. And then it would take courage to ask on the first date.

It would take courage to text message. It would take courage then to get to the next step where you might say, Hey, do you want to be my girlfriend? Like, do you want to say, Hey, we love each other right now? Not that we're going to love each other for life, but like, are we both willing to both be vulnerable and both like say, we're going to love each other during this, this phase of our life right now.

And try to see if we want to be together like that takes a tremendous amount of courage and, and therefore to, to rule it out completely, which some people do to rule it out completely is something where, where, you know, you're, you're maybe looking at it a certain way and then putting up these defense mechanisms or whatnot, but, but truth be told, you're just not being courageous.

Yeah. You know, and that's, and that's what you want to call yourself out on and go, you know what, what do I got to lose? Yeah. A little bit of embarrassment, a little bit of this, a little bit of that. And then that's why people say it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Yeah. You know, and I can tell you, I've had my, you know, I, I dated girls before my wife and girls that I really cared about girls.

I thought I was going to end up, I had my heart broken several times. My wife knows all about it. And I'm so grateful for those moments because I needed the refinement before I met the angel of my life that is my wife. I needed that refinement. Yeah. Um, you know, but, but, but to go back and be like, like, do I regret putting myself out there?

I don't actually, I don't regret putting myself out there because I needed the training to be ready to meet my wife and have the guts. And then I, and then I had to have the courage even though my heart had been broken. So now I've, now I've like, this is not even like maybe this is like a definite. I know what it feels like. Yeah. And I got to put myself out there.

You want to talk about courage, Joey? I asked my wife to date me. She said, no, she said, no, dang. She said, not yet. Cause she, she wanted to make sure good for her. She wanted to make sure that it wasn't me just wanting to lock her down because there were, there, there was another guy in the picture when I first met her. And she, she was like, I just want to make sure that you're not, you know, that you really feel the feels that you feel.

And I had to come back like a week later, however many times, however long it was later. And I had to ask her again to meet my girlfriend after I had, after I'd heard no. Yeah. That's tough. That's very tough. I, I, you know, and, and for anybody that asked somebody to marry them, guy or girl, either direction, I can't even describe the amount of courage it takes to get down on one knee because she could say no.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. That would be hard. That'd be hard. That'd be really hard. You know? And, and yet if they do, they've refined you and then probably made you better and, and definitely saved you heartache in the, in the future because they don't want to be with you forever. Yeah. And you just saved yourself divorce. You just saved yourself, or if not divorce, a lifetime of misery.

Mm-hmm. So that comes back to being honest and maybe them saying no is the most loving thing they could do. Yeah. And then you say thank you for it, even though your heart is broken. Well, you'd much rather them say no than say yes. That's what I'm saying. But mean no. That's what I'm saying. You know? But in the moment you don't. Yeah. In the moment you're like, why, why, why?

It's because of you. Well, probably because you weren't listening. What have you done to me? Okay. Uh, good. I had this, uh, I had this written down. I thought this was a fun quote and I know you want to do the, uh, you want to do a book promo. Is that what you're thinking? Yeah. Yeah. I just brought it over here in case. So, um, I think we might be out of time, dude.

It's already eight. All right. Cool. Yeah. Buy the book. Acting's my day job. I'll just, uh, throw it up. Shameless. Yeah. You gotta buy that book. It's really good. There you go. Okay. Um, so this last thing I want to say before we move on to our, our last commercial break and our takeaway is, uh, I wrote this down. I liked it. It says, God loves, uh, or God calls us to love because he is love and where love is present, evil cannot survive.

Um, that's something I thought of and I thought that that's, that's really cool. And I thought if, if God can't survive, I mean, I'm sorry. If evil can't survive where God is, if evil can't survive where love is, I had this like idea where God's like, I'm calling you to love because I don't like hanging out with the devil. Yeah. You know, like, I don't like, I don't like that.

So like, let me, let me help you. Here's, here's how you do it. Here's how you keep the evil out. You just love for sure. I mean, he's the, you can read a book. Like he's done it for eternities, you know, heaven is heaven. Hell is hell. Hell, you know, people, people from hell, they don't get to go up and, and like mess around up in heaven.

Like there is, there is golden gates blocking that for real, you know, he, he knows how to do it. And it's interesting cause it connects directly to the quote you opened up the show with, which is love cannot exist with fear. True. All right. So we're going to go on a quick commercial break here. We're going to come back and we're going to talk about where to find love.

Quick takeaway. All right. Where to find love. I'm going to tell you right now, you can find love at Dearing Acting Studio. This is facts. This is facts. Passion. Love mastery. Yeah. And it's funny. I was, I was watching some of these commercials you put up, Joey. Very good job, by the way. Thanks, buddy. And I was realizing how much I loved, sincerely loved everybody on there.

Like all these people that get, they're putting up like quotes and stuff. I'm like, I love these. Like I really do. And they're saying what they're saying because they felt the love back probably. Yeah. They probably felt it, but I really do. Not probably. Don't, don't kid yourself. Well, definitely. Yeah. So I, I, I do. I love, I love those people and, and it's, it's so fun and, and you know, funny enough, we've had, uh, I think we've had five different people find, uh, find their marriage partner here at the studio.

Dang. That's impressive. Pretty proud of that. That's a good track record. Pretty proud of that. Yeah. Um, so, all right. Um, here we go. Where are you going to find love? Where are you going to find that romantic love? You're going to hate me for saying this, but the first step is you got to stop looking. Um, that, that relates to the first quote where it was like, don't seek love.

You got to stop looking for it. Cool. Just curious. Um, why? Because you're trying to seek something, you're trying to look for something. And then when you're, when you're like, you become obsessed over the looking process instead of realizing what I got to do if I want to find love is I have to develop myself to be open and available to love. Yeah. So, uh, Tony Robbins does this exercise.

I think it's really good. And I've, I've, I've helped a few people with this, but here's what you got to do. Here's how you find love. Here's how you find that perfect person that, that Leeann Dearing, that angel that drops out of the sky that's perfect for you. Cause she's perfect for me. She's not perfect for everybody, but she's, she's, she's perfect for me. And I, I literally, I couldn't script a girl better.

It's impossible. And Tony Robbins, and I, and I did this exercise. I can tell you it works. You, uh, you write out the person of your dreams, the guy, girl of your dreams. And I'm talking about the way they look, the way they act, their, their, their thoughts, you know, how they feel about different things. Are they open? Do they listen? Are they caring? Do they want a family?

You know, what, whatever things are important to you, you like them tall, short, whatever the things, the things that are important to you. But when you get down to it, the things that really become important aren't looks or height. The things that are important become like those things where, Hey, I'm going to, I'm going to romantically love this person, but I'm also going to be hanging out with them.

Yeah. Yep. Yep. So she cannot be, uh, so certain things are important, you know, and, and, and, and Joey might say, you know, for instance, and I was just be, I'll say something funny. Joey might say, she's got to love the Cardinals or she's got to understand football or no football. And I would probably say that if that were on your list, I would think that a, that a better potential list maker would be somebody who's open to learning about those things.

So then you wouldn't need the girl that has it and knows it and whatever, but, but just a girl who basically would be like, that sounds fun to learn about. And then would actually learn and not somebody that would, so you don't need someone that's an expert. You don't need someone that's going to dominate you year one in the fantasy football league and be like, Whoa, that girl's so attractive.

She just crushed me. But, but a girl would be like, Oh sure. I'd like to play. Can you teach me how? And then she gets better and actually wants to learn because it's interesting to you. You know, it then becomes interesting to her. Yeah, no, a hundred percent. That's, that's right on the money. Like I can tell you, I'm, I'm curious about things that I never thought I'd be curious about because of my wife, like how to fold a shirt.

And yeah, you know, she, she does, she does most of the laundry at the house, but I, I'm very curious in how she does it. She does it very well. It's, it's a passion of hers, the, the minimalism and the, and the, the, these things are, she's passionate about it and she's always finding new ways. And I ask questions and I get curious and now I fold the shirt the way I thought I'd never fold a shirt before.

And I know how I've got the skill because I wanted to learn because it was important to her. Yeah. And you had her come here and lifted her up in that way. And you were like, you were like, you get to design the clothing rack that we just built. You get to design it. And then please fold the shirts. And then fold them, please. And teach me, teach me how to Dougie.

That's right. Teach me how to fold them. That's right. Because I want our space to look beautiful and that's your strength. And I, I'm, I'm open to learning. That's right. And oftentimes the love you're looking for is right in front of your nose. It's right there, but you have to develop you first. And as you develop you, what happens is you change your vibration. So you might, the person of your dreams might be right next to you.

Could be in the car next to you. Could be at the studio you go to. Could be wherever, but you're not vibrating on the same vibration. So, so that like spark of chemistry doesn't happen or, or you have a spark of chemistry and the wrong vibration. And it's like, that's not what I really wanted. We'll change you. You got to change you. And then it's going to be right there.

You're not going to find it. No offense, but probably you're not going to find love often in a bar when you're drinking. You know, you're, you might find companionship, but you're probably not going to find love there unless you're really lucky. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a one in a million. Yeah. The only thing under my nose is this podcast muffler. So, and don't you love it? Yeah.

I do love it. See? Yeah. See what I'm talking about? There you go. All right. So you make a list of that person. You're going to find out exactly like the perfect list of the, like just for you, for you, for you, individualized. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. And then you look back on the list and you're like, who would that person, like this, this ideal person, who would they be attracted to?

And it's probably not you. No offense. Cause you probably shot for the moon. Yeah. So if you look at that person that you drew up and you're like, who would they be attracted to? And you're like, Hey, I got some work to do. Guess what? Do the work. Then you, then you draw out their perfect person. So if you want a girl with, with perfect abs, guess what?

She probably wants a guy with perfect abs. Okay. This is fact. So if that's really something you want, are you actually willing to do it? Maybe, maybe not. So how important is that thing to you? Really? Yeah. And that's where the physical aspect of things could come in. So like you might say, Oh, I want a girl who's tall or want a girl who's short. Okay. Well, I want a girl who's short.

Do I, do I want, you know, a girl who only wants tall guys? No. You know, like, like you, you have to, you have to figure out what's, what's really important to you. You do if you're blessed with height, but, uh, that is, that is something that I do not, that is a blessing I do not contain. Right. Right. And, and you get down to, you get down to all your whys, you know?

Yeah. For real. So, so, so this is how you're going to find love. This is where to find love. Where do you find love? Love, it's right inside you. Dang. I just told you where to find it. You find love inside you. You got to love yourself first. All right. Uh, this is a great Oscar Wilde quote here. He says, to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

Dang. That quote is Oscar Wilde, dog. You got to look in the mirror. You got to see you. You got to fall in love with you. It's going to be a lifelong romance. If you do that, if you love you first, you're opening yourself up to be loved. You cannot be loved if you don't love you. And that's where, that's where a lot of people get stuck.

So, where do you find love? You find it right inside. You have to tap into you and you have to forgive you. You have to cradle you. You have to love you to the highest degree possible. And that's how you're going to find love is by loving you first. Um, and this, this next quote I thought was really funny. So I wrote it down and, uh, and we can even end here.

Actually, I think this is, this is fine. But, um, I thought this quote was funny. So this goes into anybody who's writing down that perfect girl or perfect guy and, and what you're writing down. And I found this quote to be interesting. This is by, uh, Stanis Jonakos. I think her name is Stanis Jonakos. Says this, don't marry a rich man. Marry a good man. He will spend his life trying to make you happy.

No rich man can buy that. Hmm. Read it one more times. That's so powerful. Don't marry a rich man. Marry a good man. He will spend his life trying to keep you happy. No rich man can buy that. What is that, Joey? This is, uh, our example from the beginning. But now, it's, it's showing, it has evolved. It's showing what you just said. We really got to work on, on your graphics.

You have to love. We have to work on your graphics, bro. You. You need, you need some drawing lessons from Rosalyn Dearing. I really do. Yeah. I really do. But, but here's the idea, right? So, so, so, uh, they're saying, like, if you're seeking a guy that's rich, you're seeking a woman who's rich. You're seeking a woman with a, with a particular looks or whatever, right? So, you're seeking a man who's rich.

Mm-hmm. No matter how rich he is, he's not going to buy you. He can't, he can't pay for the, the amount of love you'll feel from a good man that's trying to make you happy. Exactly. Now, I'm not saying you can't marry a good and rich man. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with being rich. That's fine. It also goes back to define rich because it's very different. And we talk about that with people in the studio all the time.

How do you feel wealthy? That's right. How do you feel wealthy? If you're making 10 figures sitting behind a desk doing something you hate, you probably don't feel wealthy. But if you're doing what you love and you have the things that, that, that fill you up, that make you feel wealthy around you at all times, then you're rich. And it depends on how you look at either of those situations.

Facts. So you can find love in every situation and in every person. You can find it in your kids, in the elderly, in your parents. You can find it in your friends. You can find it in your enemies. You can find love in inmates. You can find love in war. You can find love in disappointment. You can find love everywhere. You got to look for it. Mm-hmm.

But once you start looking for it, you realize that love is everywhere. And you want to find love. You want to find romantic love. You want to find any kind of love. You want to just, just experience what it feels to be loved. Then you got to start with you. That's where you find it. You find it right in the mirror. You begin there and you'll be surprised how quickly things start to fall in place for you.

All right. That's our show, everybody. Thank you so much for tuning in to the Mornings with Matt show. We sure appreciate you being here. God bless. Thanks for listening to Mornings with Matt. Please like, subscribe, and follow us at Dearing Acting Studio to keep up with the latest content. For more information on classes, private lessons, or professional development coaching, visit www.dearingstudio.com. Have a Dearing day, everyone. Have a chippy day, everyone.

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