Fighting for Truth: The Story You Tell Yourself About Other People

This is the Dearing Acting Studio Podcast, where we discuss the connection between life and acting. That was a perfect intro. I was just taking a selfie, so it was a little hard to get started speaking in there. Joseph Sweeney, good morning, sir. Good morning, Matt. How are you? Dude, I am happy to be alive today, believe it or not. You can ask this man the same question every day.

He gives you the same answer. It's wonderful. It's very true, because I always am happy to be alive, but the truth is, Joey, that's a choice that I make every morning, and it's a discipline to tell myself what's good in my life and to focus on the gratitude, because you could take almost any situation and turn it negative. 100%. Yeah. Anytime. Like, I could look at something and, I mean, here's a good example.

I could be having a great day because, I don't know what, I got a promotion at work, so I'm having a great day. Then I jump on Instagram and I see that my buddy from high school just got a different promotion that's worth $100,000 more than mine, and therefore I look at him and I compare him to me, and without knowing the story behind any of it, I just decide I'm now sad.

Yet, really, nothing's happened. I've just, I'm letting these outside forces determine whether or not I'm happy. Yeah. And that happens to everybody. It happens to us so often that if we are not disciplined to remind ourselves that we are gifted with today, today is a day that's been gifted to you. You're alive. You can breathe. Be grateful. Yeah. It's crazy. We were literally talking about this yesterday in the car with Brian.

The fact of, you know, our team has moved into this certain direction of personal development and making sure that we're getting better every day in every way we possibly can and focusing on gratitude and giving back and really just giving 100% to everything you have because you get this crazy energy rush from it. And you were talking yesterday about like, you can't look at where other people are at, whether they're doing the same thing or not, because you are where you are and you will get to where they are one day if you keep doing the same things that they had to do to get there.

Because people like Gary Vee, Tony Robbins, whoever, it took them 10 plus years to master their craft to get to where they're at of that constant push. And that's what we have to apply in our daily lives. Yeah, that and, and, um, and if you think about it, the, the thing everybody thinks they want are the highlight moments. I call them the highlight reel of your life.

And if you're not careful, the highlight reel of your life is something that will determine what you consider your own value to be personal value. And those highlights, by the way, can be good or bad. Yeah. So you might have this memory from when you're a child and it's this one highlight moment. It's like this thing happened to me, or I did this and I got up in front of the class and it embarrassed me.

And because of that highlight moment, you've decided I can't speak in public or I'm not valuable. I, I'm not worthy of friendship, whatever the thing. And that, that would be an example of, of a negative one, right? A positive highlight moment would be, like I said earlier, I got the promotion or, you know, I finished this task or if I'm an actor, I, I landed this gig.

Well, if you look at the highlight reel and you say, based on the highlight reel, this is my value, then you're screwed because, because it's, it's already sort of predetermined for you. Yeah. Versus if you look at your life as a vision and you, and you look at the process and determine your happiness based on what are you doing today to further yourself for your long-term vision in the future, then you can, you get the chance to be happy every single day.

Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy. I mean, you, you've been saying a lot of this stuff for almost a year now, especially to us, to the team, to me personally, uh, trying to make me better and, and help me grow. And it's crazy because you say all the same things a lot of the time and it just never sinks in until like one day where it's like, oh, that's what he meant.

Wow. That's the first time I've heard that, but it, but it isn't, you know, that's just the first time it really sunk in and, and you really understood what, what you were saying. Yeah. I call those light bulb moments. Have you had any light bulb moments then recently? Oh, so many. know? Well, and I, I had told the team this, I said, when you were sleeping the day before and you were sick, I, and they were like, Hey, have you heard from Joey?

And I said, no, I haven't heard from him, but I'm going to, I'm going to give Joey the benefit of the doubt. And I told him that I said, I'm, I'm going to just bet without checking that he's sleeping and that his body needs to sleep. And we're not going to check on him or call him or, or see what he's doing. Instead, we'll just do his job for him.

And we'll, we'll gift him that moment and give him the benefit of the doubt. Right. What's interesting is you next day now, now, now here's where I can grow. I could have communicated some of that with you to sort of let you know, Hey, this is taken care of and, and, and really I should have, I think I got caught up in the day's tasks and, uh, and forgot to communicate.

So that's, that's a hundred percent on me. Um, but the next day, because, cause, and here's the thing I didn't know, I just assumed the best in you. Right. Yeah. So then in reverse, you started feeling bad. You started feeling guilty that you weren't here because you had slept the afternoon, six hours. And what you did unknowingly, and I believe it was very unknowingly. You didn't give me the benefit of the doubt.

You didn't, you didn't assume, Hey, Matt probably knew that he could have woken me up. Yeah. He probably chose not to. I probably owe him a thank you. Instead, what you did was you thought to yourself, Matt's probably mad at me. That's exactly what it is. Matt's probably upset that I didn't show up. Matt probably doesn't have any clue why I didn't come. And, and he's, you know, him and his, uh, him and the rest of the team have been having meetings about how, you know, I need to be dismissed from the team and I don't pull my own weight.

And you create this whole story in your mind that isn't true. And, and, and here's the thing, like the truth is the story I created about you wasn't necessarily true either until it was proven. Yeah. But I chose to start the story from a place of giving you the benefit of the doubt from positivity. Yeah. Right. Right. And that's the difference. And it's funny cause, cause I'm just as guilty as you, bro.

I'm like, but I fight it like a maniac because that, that first story that wants to attack you. It's usually that little child toddler that's going, man, man, man, not fair, not fair. Everything's wrong, you know, and you go all the way to the darkest dark and you're like, you know, someone didn't show up five minutes. They're like five minutes late and you run this whole story in your mind about how they're like plotting against you, you know, and, and it's, it's usually not true when you go all the way to that side.

But if you start from a place of, Hey, I think you're a good person. I believe in you. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt. Um, it changes the whole narrative and how you can, how you can approach somebody. Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. It's crazy. It, it applies in so many different ways. Like, uh, like for instance, my school, you, right. Um, you, you and your dad and my family kind of pushed me to go back and like finish it up.

Cause I, I really don't have that much left, honestly. And, uh, and I had hit this roadblock and just given up on it just completely just was like, pass the torch. I'm happy. I'm going to do this thing. Like, I'm, I'm not going to worry about that, you know? And, uh, and so I got into this place where it was like, A, I had given up on it for so long.

And then B, I started it and then I didn't start it. So it was like, oh, your class started like a week ago. And then I was like, oh, well, when I started the second week, I was already a week behind and I didn't know the material anymore. So I was like, cool, cool. So I got myself like crazy behind and just super stressed out, not in order, like couldn't plan.

Uh, I, I dropped multiple balls here at the studio and just was stressed out to all heck at home trying, trying to figure out how I was going to get six units of math that I didn't know done in, uh, less than what should have been provided because I, I slacked off and procrastinated and that was a big deal for me because that, that's part of my demon, you know?

Yeah. That's, that's where like, well, that in truth, Joey, I mean, listen to you right now. I am so freaking impressed with your openness and the way that you're explaining things because, and it's so attractive by the way, like honesty is so attractive. Like you guys can't see Joey, but man, he looks good right now. No, but really like you sound good. It's an, it's interesting. So the, the amount of honesty you're bringing to this conversation is something that, that just must be applauded.

And it's, that is a testament alone to your growth because what happens when you're not honest is to go back to that story, you start telling a different narrative in your mind. And then a lot of times you'll start telling that same narrative out loud as what you think is a protective, uh, measure. So I'm going to give this narrative. Let's just say you're all stressed, right?

And you just, you just pinpointed the why you're all stressed, but your narrative on the outside, because, Hey, I don't want to be held accountable. I don't want someone from my family to think I'm lazy or to think that I slacked off. So I'll blame the studio. Let's say I'll blame my, my work here at the studio instead of blaming what it should have been for my stress.

Yeah. Then what happens is those outside forces, because they don't dig like I do. And, and then they shouldn't, they shouldn't have to. They take you at your word and they go, okay, well, you're stressed and you're getting sick. Stop going to the studio. Yeah. Stop doing the work. And then in your mind, you're going, Oh, I didn't mean it. I've been lying this whole time. That's not really where the stress is coming.

And that causes more stress. Yeah. Yeah. A hundred percent. Which then causes sickness. And literally we can, we can make ourselves sick with our thoughts. And you just said in the beginning of the podcast here, this is your happy place. Yeah. This is the place that brings you joy. And if you're not careful, you accidentally tell a narrative that pulls you away from the thing that makes you happy.

I see it in students all the time. Yeah. Even parents, like parents will bring their kids in and their kids will be thriving here. They'll make some kind of a mistake at home and literally like their grades have gone from C or D to A and the kid's like crushing it. They love coming to the studio. Kid makes a mistake at home. Parents to punish them, pull them out of the studio.

And I, it's not my place to parent for them, but I think, why would you take away the thing that is causing the joy? Yeah. Yeah. You know, that's not the right idea. Now maybe take away a, like a tangible toy or something like that, but the actual like growth and cause the, cause the thing is the reason why they like it is not because we're all nice and happy and you know, it's cause they're growing.

They're excited to be here cause they're growing. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's, it's completely crazy. And then so, so getting through that, I, I ended up passing and, and just pushing through and being able to do it. And I got the best grade I've ever done and I feel like I actually learned for the first time, you know? And then, uh, and then my, my next semester of it started this week and it's crazy because the difference is like, it's, it's, it's like a whole different person taking the class.

It's crazy. Do you remember what I said to you? My, my, why? I think why's are so important as you know, remember my, why for, for why you needed to finish school? Oh yeah. It's engraved in my brain. Why don't you share? Because you, you never do any, you never start anything. You won't finish. That's right. Or, or, or, yeah. And you, you do what you're saying, you say you're going to do.

Yeah. Yeah. And so to me, and I, and I was honest with you about this. I don't know how much of this math you're going to use in life. None of it. Okay. But having said that, you've seen me in the mornings, you've seen me dig over numbers and try to try to do different like calculations in my mind. You probably overheard me listening to things about taxes this morning, videos.

I'm, I'm still learning. Yeah. I'm not doing that math, but that math that you did, I did in high school, which, which required a discipline to sit, to learn, to not be totally scared by things that, that, that scare you because you don't know what they are. Yeah. And by doing that, it sort of gives you the confidence that, okay, here's this next thing, this big tax thing.

And I don't understand it. How can I approach this with a humble heart as a student and just get better? Yeah. Well, and it's crazy. The perspective change too, you know, like you said in the beginning, it's positive or negative. So I actually got excited to get on and get ahead and just push through, you know, and, and it's not easy, you know, it, it got harder, significantly harder.

Like I thought it was hard the first time. And I was like, wow, I, I want to go back and do that one again, you know, but, um, but the fulfillment of going through and doing what you said and, and pushing hard at something that pushes you and, and being disciplined about that got me excited to set up for this and, and edit and do things that, that yes, they're work, but they're filling work, you know?

And so it's like you, you, you apply the discipline where you can and in scheduling and whatever, and you get ahead so that you get to earn your freedom, you know, and you talk about that a lot with our team. We're going to, we're going to wrap this thing up in just the most magical way possible. Cause my brain is kind of reeling right now. It's trying to tie all these bows at the same time, but let, let me ask you this now.

So what, what I'd like to do in order to make this magic happen, Joseph is, uh, I keep going back and forth between Joey and Joseph. I was about to say that. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny cause I prefer to call you Joey, but then your email is Joseph now. And I, and it's, it's funny. It's like, for some reason, depending on the sentence, I want to, I want to name you something else.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, I am a man of many names. Okay. Joseph, um, Giuseppe, Giuseppe. So, so Giuseppe, let's go back. Let's, let's, let's, let's finish your story. So you're depressed the day of the casting and you, you say you're sick and you're not going to come in and you were like, you were feeling ill, right? Like the whole body was feeling like I can't move and I'm, you know, and everything is worse.

Right. Yeah. And, um, and then we talked, go, let's, let's finish that story. Oh, okay. Great. Yeah. So, um, so it was just a brutal heart to heart. And what I, what I had done was, uh, through making those excuses in my head through allowing myself to believe one thing that wasn't true. When, when I talked to you on the phone, I was making you feel guilty about me coming in because I wasn't feeling good and that wasn't right.

And it was totally unintentional, but that's exactly what I was doing. And when, when I sat back for a minute and deconstructed the situation, I was like, oh, he's so right. Like I, I feel terrible now, you know, cause that's not what I was trying to do. And then, uh, you were like, call me back in 10 minutes if you figure it out. And I'd already figured it out.

So I called you, you didn't answer. And I was like, screw this. I'm going in. And I remember like 10 minutes later, you were like, you were like, all right, I need to call you. I was like, Joey's here. And so then we talked, but, and I was just, I was literally in the mindset of like, all right, well, I, I made my decision. Like, I, I do want to be here.

I'm not going to sit at home all day, you know, and, and I have the freedom to leave when I don't feel good, you know, and, and you've expressed that time and time again, but you know, that, that fear that, that those lies creep in and then it's like, oh, well now, now that's not true. And you, you got to cut that out immediately. Totally. So, so going back to the morning, I didn't ask you to come in yet.

You were making me feel guilty for you having to come in. And I didn't even say you had to. Yeah. That's really what it ended up being. Plus I wasn't getting the gratitude from the night before. And so we were, we were at this deadlock, right? And then you figured it out. It was so amazing. And this is cool. And everyone should take note of this, by the way.

I actually had this cross my mind. I remember that when I said, I got to call Joey and I said it with love to them. I, and, and I, and I said it like, okay, it's now time to give my focus over to Joey. Um, I didn't say, I got to call frigging Joey now. You know what I mean? Yeah. And thank God I didn't say it that way because you were right there.

Yeah. And how embarrassed would I have been if, if I said it that way? And, and if I did, I would hope that you would love me and forgive me and realize that it was a slip, that that was something that it was a moment of weakness or whatever, um, where, where I was going to negativity instead of positive positivity. But thank goodness in that moment, I had made the choice in that moment to be positive when I was talking about you behind your back.

So you got to hear, oh, he's calling me. He's not mad at me. He's not frustrated. He's about to call me and talk about the thing that I've already made the choice of doing. I cannot wait to tell him I'm already here, bro. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and it's crazy. The way you dealt with me that way, that day was totally different than any other time we've had to, uh, go through these little life lessons and things I need to grow on.

Uh, it was just, it was unique and it was very personalized, you know? I had to figure it out for myself in a loving way though. So I didn't feel guilty to figure it out for myself. You honestly, like, there was no harshness in the tone at all. You, you were like, just, just think about it, figure it out for yourself and then let me know, you know?

Yeah. And then I was able to do that because even then I was like, well, he's not mad. I just have to think about where I'm at, where he's at, where I can grow, you know? And that's, that's another big thing that you talk about is just focusing on what you can do because you can't control other people, you know, but you can fix what you can do.

So if you can extract like one thing you could do better in every conversation you do, why wouldn't you? Absolutely. Yeah. And I can tell you on, on my end that, that came from a growth that I sought out. We had a little team meeting and I was looking for ways to cut out wasted time. And I, and I know it's a grind working with me. I get that.

And I'm, I demand a lot of myself, which means I demand a lot of the people around me. And, and we have a very, very specific vision for helping people in a certain way. And if we're not living it ourselves, I know and believe we cannot put out the content with a, with a clear conscience. So we've had to go through the grind we're going through. Having said that, the feedback was from everybody, including myself, was too much time has been spent on these little life lessons throughout the day with our team.

And so I took that and I go, okay, Matt, you got to get better at that thing. Right. So how can you do this with love? But how can you, how can you pass off some of the responsibility back to them? And that was my attempt of growing there. And, uh, and that one seemed to work. And so here's what, here's what I want to bottle this thing up with.

Cause we do got to go. Yeah. Joey within about a half hour to an hour was feeling better, feeling healthy. Now he had already taken shots, done these other things that were the medicine should have made him happy. Didn't should have made him healthy. Didn't. His change in mindset did. Yeah. And literally he's bouncing around here with energy, with a smile on his face. And if he would have stayed home, if he would have made that choice, I think you would have gotten sicker.

Yeah. I agree. I agree. A hundred percent. It's crazy. A hundred percent. How is it? And I've heard it on the microphone today. How's your mouth feeling today? Better. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy. You know, it's still there. It hurts, right? Like I, I watch you, I watch you work your lips around the thing and I watch you laugh from like a weird angle because you know, you got to abrasions in a way.

It looks like it hurts a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. It, it, it, it's a 24 seven kind of paint, you know, but it gets better and it gets worse and, and one clears up and then another one pops up, you know, somewhere else. And it's like, well, here we go again, you know? So, so here's, so here's this very last thing. And this is, this is what I was telling you guys about this little wrap up here.

So I love this analogy of Joey's braces for what we're trying to do here. Yeah. And that is you just, just trust. You go in with full trust, faith. You give without thinking or wanting anything in return. And that's what that student did for you. And she locked some braces, some metal in your mouth. You then have faith in the future. You have faith that it's going to like, there's going to be a better day one day when the braces are gone and my teeth are going to be straight.

Yeah. But it's not now and it's not soon. No. And it's a lot of pain in the process. And like you said, one pain goes away, another one pops up and isn't that life, right? Yeah. But this beautiful thing is going to be on the other end. So you think. But you're willing to go through the sacrifice of wearing the braces. And what are the braces doing every day?

They're tugging in my teeth. Constant, small improvements. Yeah. Small, tiny, unnoticeable improvements over years. And that's what's going to warrant the results. I'm going to tell you a quick story. When I had braces, about four days after I got my braces off, I was in eighth grade. And we were playing sports in the backyard with me and the rest of the kids at my school. And I went to reach for a ball in the pool.

And this kid, I'll never forget his name because he did this to me. His name was Adam Flanagan. He was fishing something out of the pool with a pole. And the pole comes out of the water. You know how when you pull something out of the water, it kind of jerks? It smacks me right in the two front teeth. Two front teeth start bleeding. I got to go back.

No way. I got to get my teeth fixed again. Oh my goodness. Right? That's crazy. Crazy. But I'll tell you something else about me. And this is not something I'm proud of. I was entitled. So I, unlike you, I got braces. My sisters got braces. The people I knew got braces. Like, braces were just something you got. Therefore, I didn't respect the braces. Yeah. I took them for granted.

So I got, you know, I got smacked in the mouth again. And that's the point there is that, hey, this beautiful thing is going to come. You're still going to get smacked in the mouth. Yeah. Life's still going to hit you, right? Yeah. It's about you learning to become better along the way, right? But here's the other thing. So because I didn't respect it, I didn't wear my retainer.

My teeth are straight. I'm happy with my teeth. But they could be straighter. Yeah. You know, I could have been more disciplined, but I didn't know any better back then. Yep. Once you know, you can no longer go back. You can no longer unknow what you already know. Ding. I don't know what that was. That was like a… It was like a Jeopardy announcer right there. I think we're like tailing off and we don't know how to end this thing.

Yeah. Let's end it with have a deering day. Well, thank you all for listening to the Dearing Acting Studio podcast. Hopefully, you are inspired to make those small improvements in your life. And come join us here. We'd love to work with you. And from Joey, I want to say thank you for being here. Thank you for having me, Matt. This is the Dearing Acting Studio. Joey, tell them.

Podcast. Have a deering day. Have a deering day.