Deep Listening: Most People Don’t Actually Listen, Removing Ego From the Conversation, and the Kid Behind the Curtain

I think this is a good note for everybody out there. This is Mornings with Matt, the Dearing Acting Studio Podcast, where we discuss the connection between life and acting. All right, all right, all right. Guys, I am not Matt. I am Brian. Good morning, everybody. Right? Yeah. A lot of changes have happened since the last time you guys saw me. My voice is going up. Yesterday? Yeah.

Yesterday? I had a real transformation. So much has changed. Oh my gosh. Yeah. You look great. Started wearing the white hat again, but backwards. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Fashion statement. Oh yeah. Yes. Oh yeah. That's so in right now, Matt. You know, everybody knows I'll wear my white hat at some point in masterclass. So it's like, gotta get prepped for that. Yeah, for sure. No, you gotta, you gotta break it out before the season.

Yeah. For real. No, but seriously, Matt's on set today crushing it. Um, and so Joey and I will be taking the morning and, uh, tackling this topic on deep listening. So we're super excited about it. Super psyched. Super psyched. Yeah. So, uh, so as you know, you know, it's going to be a different show. It's going to be a little, uh, more energetic, fun, brother, brother energy.

Bro show. Versus like Matt, like knowledge, dropping knowledge, but we will drop knowledge to the best of our ability. Even Matt's knowledge. We'll drop Matt's knowledge right at you. Yeah. So, uh, so let's start with our, uh, with our cheat sheet here. Uh, the good old Bible. Uh, Brian's daily devotional. Hey. Let's hit it. What's our verse for today, Bri Guy? We are going into proverbs for both of our verses today.

Okay. Double proverbs. Like it. Like it. Okay. First one is Proverbs 18:2. A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion. Repeat that. Repeat that. You got it. Slower. A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion. Dang. Okay. What should you get out of that, Joey? A fool. Like that's the, that's the big word there. That's the key.

It's like a fool. You know, nobody wants to be a fool. Nobody wakes up and is like, Hey, today I want to be a fool. I got my fool hat on. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you do have your fool hat on. Oh, I'm talking about real fool hat, you know, like the one that the dunce hat, you know? Oh yeah. Yeah. Like that's what I see when I see a fool in my mind.

Yeah. So it's talking about like, this is one of those verses I really like because it just straight up tells you like, Hey, don't do these things. Like this is what an, a non believer does. You know, this is what people who don't see the light do. Don't fall into the herd of sheep. Yeah. Stay strong to your faith. That's kind of what I hear when you say that verse.

Absolutely. And there's this idea of like, um, why, right? We talk a lot about the why and it gives it to you right there. Their why is they are only interested in expressing their own opinion and expressing their knowledge, which we're going to get into, into some of our sections. We'll talk about that. But it's the idea of like, you're going to speak purely to look good for your ego, for your knowledge to be displayed, um, to be praised for the knowledge you have versus every, no matter how high you get up or where you end up like staying curious.

But Brian, today's topic is about listening. How would that have to do with speaking? Speaking has nothing to do with listening, right? It's got a lot to do with it, Joey. What? Yeah. Oh. We're going to get to that. Dang. Okay. It's going to be great. So you said we have double Proverbs today. Double. That means you have another verse for us? I sure do, everybody. All right.

Cool. Take those, take those Bibles out, those devotionals, those notes. Proverbs 1920. 1920. 1920, everybody. 1920. Proverbs 1920. Also a great year. Trying to be an auctioneer over here. 1920. 1920. No one's going to forget that now. Proverbs 1920. 20. Hit it. Listen to advice and accept instruction that you may gain wisdom in the future. Oh, man. Yeah. You don't even got to repeat that one. I'm going to repeat it anyway.

I love it. You should. But I'm saying like, you don't even have to. Like it says it the first time you read it. Drops it right down. To me, this goes into the idea of the importance of teachers. Being willing to let go of your point of view and understand that, hey, maybe somebody knows better than me. And that's okay. That's cool. You know, I had a conversation with our mom last night.

She was talking about improv and the showcase and she didn't feel great about her scenes. And I was like, cool, that's awesome. Like, good. Yeah. That's how you get better. Right. Absolutely. You know, 100%. And you have to ask for the critique and want it. You know, it can't be, but this, but that, because then you're fighting for a point of view. And it's like, we already get that you did the best you could in the moment.

The whole point, like why we're here is to help you understand the formula even better. So that every time you get on stage, you start to grasp and it slows down. Like we've talked about a couple of times on the show. Yeah. It slows down. Absolutely. But you only do that if you're seeking the guidance, seeking the critique from either a teacher or from God. You know, because you can straight up ask him.

Like we get put through many trials and many lessons. And a lot of the times we don't know the answer to why. And, and we don't, we're not entitled to that either. You know, that's something that a lot of the time we have to figure out through self realization. And we can't get mad. Like, oh, he's not listening. Like he's not talking to me. Yes, he is.

Yeah. And sometimes you just have to look third person point of view sky view like a GoPro camera and go, oh, I see now. Yeah. This leads to this, which led to this. Mm hmm. Yeah. Absolutely. I love this. This is a side one that came up in my devotional this morning. The Bible in one. Yeah. The Bible in one. Yeah. And if you go into this verse, this idea of like the second half is listen to advice and accept instruction that you may gain wisdom in the future.

And I mean, your talk with Matt sort of gained some wisdom for you. Yeah. And understanding and something new. I know I've had the same kind of experience very recently with you guys. Mm hmm. And we'll get into that as well. But it's this idea that it's something that we are, if we're willing to change, willing to listen, some great, amazing things can happen. Yeah. But we have to be willing to let go of those things and be curious.

Yeah. Right? Like asking questions to doctors and asking questions to people versus just because they tell me something, that's the way it is. Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. There are a few things here. I'll say number one, but we'll go to that after. Okay. But I think, you know, I'm being led here. Once I'm done with this point, I would love it if you would just lead a prayer for our viewers.

Yeah. Totally. You know, based on our topic today, but also just, you know, whoever's watching, we know they watch for a reason. And, and that they would be able to tap in and be able to just have a great day focused on God, you know, cause they're up early there. They're crushing it and they're, they're trying. Yeah. And that's a lot of the hurt. I think people feel is when they're trying really hard and they're not seeing any results.

Yeah. You know, so that would be a cool thing if you could pray over that. But my second point here was just, you talked about Matt being that. Matt's been that my whole life. Yeah. For sure. And I know he's been that for you too, but like me, especially, like I was, I was, I was straight up. Like he, he invested when the stock was low and helped me realize my self worth, which is why I have such a dying dedication to him and to this place.

You know, I love this place. I want to push us forward, but it also goes to like, this is where I found me. Yeah. You know, and, and I think that concept's really, really cool. It's really powerful. Absolutely. Absolutely, man. Cool. Well, let's pray together. All right. Sounds good. God, I thank you for this morning. I thank you for just another day alive, Lord. I pray for, for us, for our viewers that we would be able to use today for you, God, that we would search out ways in which we can conserve others and serve you.

Um, that we would put our, uh, put our egos aside, put ourself aside and really based on today's topic, be listening, be watching, be seeking, be asking questions. Like, uh, instead of going like, why me? When something goes wrong, take a moment and go, why me? And like, actually ask for you to step in and show us how we can be used. Um, I pray that today that you would allow each of our viewers throughout their day to just find ways to, um, to glorify you, whether that's just through being kind to somebody or just listening for your voice and having a moment alone with you.

Uh, as we talked a few days ago about, uh, being with you in solitude, Lord. So I thank you for this day. We are so, so blessed. I thank you for my brother, Joey. Thank you for Matt, that you've provided us with an opportunity to be on set. Um, and pray that you continue to help us all grow. Both in our, uh, knowledge and, uh, relationship with you and with those around us.

In Jesus name. Amen. Amen. Thank you, Brian. That was such a great prayer. Thank you. Yeah. And, and I loved, uh, I'll have you go into what our sections are and we'll go to commercials here, but I just wanted to point this out. You know, you said, uh, in the prayer, so grateful that we are on set. Right. Right. And Matt's instilled that, um, that ideal into our head.

Yeah. But it's true. You know, he's on set with this family and we're excited because we feel like we're on set. Yeah. We're all on set together. We're a team. We're a triangle. You know, we, we take care of one another. We get excited for one each other, one another on the journey. Mm-hmm. So him being on set feels just as good as if you or I were on set.

Absolutely. You know, a hundred percent. That's really cool. Yeah. And again, we'll be talking about that mentality. It's a, it's a team us and there's so much joy in it. Right. I mean, like you said, we're on set. So cool. Yeah. Yeah. For real. Yeah. For real. Yeah. For real. Yeah. For real. All right. Let's get into these sections and go to commercials. All right, guys. So we got three sections for you today.

Uh, our first section will be most people don't actually listen. So we're going to dive right into the fact that sometimes we feel like we're listening. We think we're listening, but actually we're not. And we'll talk about what that looks like and, uh, how to avoid some of that stuff. Then we're going to go into removing ego from the conversation. Ego can be a major, major deterrent from stopping us, uh, from being a good listener, uh, from being present with the people around us.

Um, and then the last section will be the power of listening deeply. So we've got some cool examples for you. And we're going to talk about listening on a deeper level that will allow you to pick up on little things that probably you never even noticed before and will heighten your ability to connect with people on that deep level. So we're excited for all three sections. We're going to go to this commercial break.

We'll see you guys when we get back one. Get out there. And then the next person will go in and they'll be like, when they get to direction, they'll be like, yeah, uh, what if you just did what he just did? Yeah. Well, you know, you do it enough. Like you just, you just, yeah, there's a laugh. Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate it. That was 100% the right choice.

The moment you realize you're stuck for a sec, stop and literally take a breath. You have to react to that from his point of view, as honestly as possible. I tried to explain, I don't want you to think about getting through the monologue. Yeah. Let's go. Yeah. Cause my job isn't to work the monologue. Hello everybody. And welcome back for our first section. Most people don't actually listen.

What? Yep. Absolutely. Definitely. I've fallen into this category of many a times. Me too. Me too, bro. I can feel you on that. Yeah. This is what I can definitely speak on and we'll talk about past and my current struggle as well. And I know you will as well. So super psyched. We got a quote to get us started. You want to read that out for us?

Yeah, I got you. I got you. So I'm going to go slow with this one because it's short, but it's so powerful. Super profound. No one is as deaf as the man who will not listen. Proverb. Boom. I'll read it again. Yeah, go for it. No one is as deaf as the man who will not listen. Proverb. So this one for sure is one of those that goes really deep.

This idea like, so to be, obviously to be deaf, you know, you can't hear, right? Mm-hmm. So when you're breaking this down to this idea of listening, it's like, it's so powerful because of the concept of so many times we think we are actually listening and we're not. Yeah. Yeah. And Matt put this down. I really like this. He said, hearing is not the same as listening.

Mm-hmm. To hear is not listening, right? Yeah. They're different. Yeah. One is just, oh, I'm just picking up on what you're saying. The other is like actively paying attention, seeking out ways in which I can contribute to the conversation. Mm-hmm. And I'll even just bring up yesterday's like show in the morning, morning, the very beginning for, for even the Bible verse part, I would say that a hundred percent was not actively listening.

Mm-hmm. Actively listening for the intent of being a part of the conversation moment to moment, listening for little details. My mind was, was elsewhere. I was listening in the aspect that I was hearing. Mm-hmm. I was hearing everything he had to say, but it had like that starey, like, you know, idea of like, of just listening to what he was saying, but not being a part of it.

Yeah. No, a hundred percent. I feel that. And funny enough, same thing with yesterday's show for me. Uh, for those of you who watch, you know, I had a little bit of a breakout. Oh, so good. A little bit. I was laughing my booty off at that fight. You were laughing your booty off. And the thing is like, same deal. You know, my eyes were glossed over.

I was listening to hear, but I wasn't listening for intention. Mm-hmm. Wasn't listening for the why. Um, I was just hearing what was being said. And at a context level, if you just hear what's being said, you can translate that anyway, negative or positive at any moment. Right. And so that's what happened to me is like, I just wanted to come in and run a clean show because I got no sleep the night before, but I didn't want to talk about it because I didn't want to make you feel guilty.

Mm-hmm. You know, we've talked about it, but you were open to cry and, and, and feel and be honest, which is something that we never had in our relationship before. Yeah. So I didn't want to lose that by, um, by not helping by, by looking out for, for me, you know, and really I should have looked out for me. I should have questioned cause, um, that was selflessness and, and I would do that any day of the week all day, every day what I did.

But, um, but I also need a teammate, you know? Right. And so then it came to like, I was trying to run a clean show and the things Matt were saying, they weren't offensive. I was taking them that way. Cause in my mind, I'm like, I'm responsible for the tech. I'm responsible for making sure everything runs. Right. So when you bring that up, like that was hurting me.

Yeah. Cause my, my mind, my inner voice would not shut off. Yeah. And it was just saying, you're doing a bad job. Like they're talking about how you're doing a bad job. Now they want you to talk about how you're doing a bad job. Mm hmm. Well, and that's, and we'll get into this in section two, some more, but it's that enemy inside of us. Right. It just like, it throws down negativity.

Um, and, and lies like straight up lies. Yeah. Yeah. Cause if you go into it and we, we talked about it afterwards, I was like zero guilt here. Yeah. Like you should feel none because I'm just super grateful. I'm grateful for this. And then when you cling onto that gratitude and really like, listen for you. So you said it so well there, we talked about it yesterday, but intention.

Mm hmm. You listen to people's intention. Mm hmm. Then you see things through a different light. Yeah. No matter what mood you're in or wherever you're at. If, if you're able to step back and really listen for intention, then you see those things. You notice that and you remember this person loves me like cool. Yeah. Right. Um, and, and the more we grow, we see the things from the past.

And then we ideally we don't repeat them. We go, okay, boom. I see that. Now I know that's the thing. I'm going to watch out for that. Right. Um, which goes into the idea of that being the case. And, and, um, there's this, uh, for, for, for actually like listening. Yeah. Yeah. Bad. Uh, so this used to be something that straight up was an excuse. Uh huh.

Like I can't help it. Right. Um, and then when we were doing that, uh, play Lonesome West a while back, Matt got, and I found one up in the lobby today, this rubber band. Okay. And anytime I wasn't listening, I had to do that. Dude, my wrist was like hurting that day. I realized how many times I was selfishly like going to my own thoughts. Right. Like even in memorization as an actor, like if it wasn't my turn, then I would space out and be looking at my next line.

Right. Yeah. And I'm not really listening. I was listening for like, when is it my next turn to talk? Mm hmm. Sometimes on the show too. Like I'll hear something Matt says or you say, and I'm like, Ooh, and I want to jump on that. And then now I'm only thinking about that. And I stopped listening to everything you said afterwards. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Yeah. And accepting that is really powerful. I think. Um, I would love to go into this comment we got in here from Nick. Yeah. Um, goes to that idea. And I know we're going to talk about it in this segment, just of our classes and being a teacher, like we talked about in the beginning. But he said, the more something happens to you over and over, it becomes harder to each time to accept advice.

You begin to feel hopeless. Hmm. Mm hmm. You know? And, and I just like, I saw that comment and I was like, that's something we can definitely talk into maybe help out a little bit there. Yeah. You want to read it one more time? Yeah. Everybody. So the more something happens to you over and over, it becomes harder each time to accept advice. You begin to feel hopeless.

Right. Mm hmm. And I think that that last sentence, even, you know, you begin to feel hopeless. Yeah. I think we've all been there. We've all felt that. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. Yeah. And it goes back to like, you can't compare one situation to another. I'm not going to compare myself to him or, or you to me or whatever, you know, we compare to ourselves, but anytime we feel hopeless, that means that, um, that we're not, we're not connected.

Right. Yeah. We're not connected to, to, to that eternal self. Mm hmm. Absolutely. And I, I would say, Nick, first off, thanks for sharing that. Uh, when we share these things, that's what allows other people to grow from. From where we're at and, and us to, to get that advice we need. Um, and so the first bit would be this idea of like, you're right. It is harder.

You know, the more something comes down on you, comes down on you, come down on you. It becomes challenging. I would say more challenging to accept. And the advice personally I'd give is, is go to it from an internal, like Joey said, perspective in that, uh, Joey won't have the answers. I won't have the answers. Matt won't have the, like nobody in your life will have the answers.

It's a God thing. Right. So God puts certain people in your life to help you along that trail, to be able to give you advice and go through that. But at the end of the day, there's only one person who can solve it. And one person who's going to be there through it. If it doesn't get solved. And sometimes that's the case. Right. Um, and that's God like plain and simple.

Uh, and sometimes he's there. This was in my verse this morning, purely to just, to be there with us, to remind us to come to him, uh, because he has those answers for you. Uh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, how many, tell me, how many times in the Bible does one of the characters, one of the people, um, have the wrong mindset. They don't see things, you know, and it's, it's, it's, you know, you talked about this the other day, but if you don't know, you can't be held accountable for something.

That's right. And so it goes back to that idea of, you know, God knows everything he does. He's, he's all knowing, all encompassing, all loving. Right. And, um, he'll send certain people in your life to encourage you to remind you, Hey, I'm here, you know, because he can't physically talk to you. Yep. So what he does is he talks to you through other people, but you have to understand that.

Mm-hmm. But you have to understand and acknowledge, Oh, that's God talking to me right now. That's right. It's that, it's that actual listening. Yeah. That deep listening that we're talking about here. And it's the hardest thing to hear. It's the hardest thing to believe. Mm-hmm. That's why we as believers struggle so hard. Yeah. Right. Um, believing at a deep level is one of the hardest things you can do in life.

Absolutely. Because you're trusting something that you don't have evidence on. Mm-hmm. Totally. What you've read, what you've learned, reading the Bible, knowing that, Hey, I, it's not just me on this earth, right? There's a billion other people. We're all God's creation. And we all have something inside of us. That's spirit. That's soul. Mm-hmm. That's unexplainable. Doctors can't explain it. The smartest people on the planet can't explain it like it's divine.

Mm-hmm. It's truthful. Yeah. Absolutely. Uh, and there's this verse, uh, before I jump into this next part, that's just like, it basically says our hope is found in Christ. Like, that's it. Like, going into hope, just pour it in there, right? Mm-hmm. Pour it in there. And, um, and like Joey said, then listen. Like for the smallest thing, I'm talking about like the person getting your coffee, like the teeniest, tiniest thing, just be aware and notice and you'll see.

And like Joey said, God is everywhere and in everybody. Yeah. That's just crazy. Like, because that's the case, literally he will show himself in anyone. And even sometimes in some of those troubling circumstances. Mm-hmm. So I know that you, uh, you wanted to go into our classes a little bit here. So I figured there's no better time than to, than the present to, uh, to throw a little, you know, Brian saying.

I'm now for Brian Sweeney's Shameless Plugs. Shameless Plugs. Shameless Plugs. Speaking of listening, everybody, uh, we've got classes coming up here next month. Our adult script is actually, our adult improv is actually totally full, completely full. Completely full. Wait list. Wait list. Um, it's all about listening, uh, in both of our programs, but we're going to talk about that. Joey's even got some clips we're going to pull up.

But the idea of what we do here is heightened listening. Mm-hmm. It's all about like learning to, to really focus and listen on a deep level to the people around you. Um, and so it's not just for actors. Yeah. So if you're interested in just, yeah, bettering yourself. Yeah. Like becoming better at, at, at life, uh, in the relationships you have with your family, at work, like improv and, uh, script acting, they're a great opportunity to be able to do that so you can jump on our waiting list for improv or, uh, pop into one of our script classes.

Um, and then lastly, I mean, it's proof Matt's already on set right now. Acting is my day job, seven strategies to market, make money as an actor. You can get this on Amazon, get on our website, get it here in person. But the whole idea is exactly that. How to work as an actor. Right. Um, how to, how to be successful as an actor through you. Yes.

What does success look like for you? What fills you up? Absolutely. That's, that's what the book's about. Boom. And, uh, I loved your plug there and I was so excited because all I wanted to tell you guys was, uh, or all I wanted to tell you was, yeah, it's a personal development facility. Like I tell people that on the phone all the time. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

You know, I think that's what's so special. Like, ah, acting school. No, we're not an acting school. Mm-hmm. We use acting to help people in life. That's right. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Love it. I mean, we're, we're, we're pretty good at it a lot of the time, you know? Oh yeah. Yeah. Your acting skills are fire, Brian. Your acting skills are fire, Joey. Just like. Dang. Like a flame.

Yeah. This is facts. This is facts. Facts. All right. I'm going to go to our last quote and then we'll jump over to our commercial break. Oh, this is, uh, from Steven R. Covey. Really like this one. I want us to soak this in because I know we can get caught in this. Uh, most people do not listen with the intent to understand. They listen with the intent to reply.

Oh, shoot. Boom. Boom. I'll read it one more time. We'll talk about it real quick and jump to our commercial break. Mm-hmm. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand. They listen with the intent to reply. Yeah. Goes back to, you know, what, even just talking about the show yesterday, listening for intention. Mm-hmm. Absolutely. What is this person's intention? Yep. Is there intention to harm me?

Is there intention to build me up? Is there intention to give me tough love and tell me what hurts to hear so that I can be better tomorrow? Mm-hmm. If you're able to really come out of self and listen for those things, your life's gonna change in an instant. Absolutely. And it calls us out on our own intentions as well. Yeah. This idea of making sure that our intent is right.

I mean, it says, uh, do not listen with the intent to understand, but with the intent to reply. Again, replying being a selfish motivation. Mm-hmm. Being, I'm seeking out, and we talked about it earlier, a way to, to build myself up, which is exactly what we're talking about in the next section, removing ego from the conversation. Yeah. I'm really happy that you didn't disappear when I snapped ever since I've seen, uh, Avengers.

Now I'm scared of snapping. You're scared of snapping? Yeah. That's fair. Because I had like this, this moment where like, right as I snapped, I was like, oh, please don't disappear. I don't want to do the show alone. Yeah. Yeah. Marvel nerds. Can't even. There you go. You're welcome. That's a, that's a blessing. Yeah. Fair. How, how responsible would you feel if you snapped and everybody disappeared?

I'd feel awful. Yeah. I'd feel really terrible. Thank you. All right. Section number two coming up, removing ego from the conversation. We will be back right after. One, get out there. And that's happened like four times when you come in where you'll do some creative move. And then the next person will go in and they'll be like, when they get to direction, they'll be like, yeah. Uh, what if you just did what he just did?

Yeah. Well, you know, you do it enough. Like you just, you just, yeah. There's a laugh. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate it. That was 100% the right choice. The moment you realize you're stuck for a sec, stop and literally take a breath. You have to react to that from his point of view as honestly as possible. One, two, three. I tried to explain. I don't want you to think about getting through the monologue.

Yes. Let's go. Because my job isn't to work the monologue. Because it's up. We are back. Surprise. It's me. I am coming back this time. Joey. It's pretty cool. This show feels totally different. It's so weird. It's so different. It's crazy. I love it. All right. We're going to start off with these quotes here for our second section. Removing ego from the conversation. Okay. Here's the first one.

Listening is an art that requires attention over talent, spirit over ego, others over self. Dean Jackson. Boom. Give me one more read of that, Joey, for the audience. Yeah, for sure. Listening is an art that requires attention over talent, spirit over ego, others over self. Dean Jackson. Boom. So there's a couple of really cool points that I like that I wrote down in here. Just this idea of attention over talent.

Right? This idea of, again, going into deep listening. Deep listening and willingness to grow over natural born talent. There are certain things that you just kind of have that you're talented with. Different people possess certain talents. Things that they're more drawn to. Right? But the idea of seeking knowledge continuously is something where everybody can learn. Like there are no excuses. Anything can be learned. Is it harder?

Sure. For some people. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I would say that like for someone like me, it's a lot harder, but it's a muscle. Like anything. Right? So certain people are built a certain way, like physically, let's say, that allows them to push themselves in the gym a little easier than someone who's smaller. Right? Yeah. But that smaller person can get just as big if they're willing to work at it.

Right? And that's sort of what I get out of this. And then it breaks down spirit over ego. Again, we talked today, our ego is going to be the big thing we're about to break into. But like listening to your spirit. Yeah. Right? Yeah. The spirit inside of us, the spirit that's inside everybody. And when you're aware of it, you can notice it. And then the last one being most important when it comes opposite of ego, others over self.

Yeah. For sure. Right? And that's what I was going to point out is this idea of heightened listening and letting go of self, letting go of ego is an acceptance of being selfless. Mm-hmm. Absolutely. It's an acceptance of you matter more than me in the moment. And once that fully clicks, guess what? You're going to be much stronger as a person. People are going to go to you more.

People are going to trust you more. Mm-hmm. Because you're selfless. Absolutely. It's so funny. It's total reverse psychology. But when you're selfless, like, you get the attention more. Mm-hmm. More people are attracted to you. 100%. More people come towards you. More people trust you. And then you have to put up these walls like, oh, no, you can't bring me down. You know? Mm-hmm. It's nuts. It's absolutely nuts.

Because when we're serving others, we aren't. We're serving ourselves, too, in a big way. But when you're doing it with the right intention, again, going back to that big word we've been using a bunch today, there's so much power in it. There's so much power in that idea. There's a second quote here I'd like to jump into. Yeah. This is one of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what the other person has to say.

Yeah. Actually listening. Yeah. Why does it say actually? Why actually? Yeah. Because we're not usually listening, Joey. That's why, right? Yeah. I mean, in conversation, we want to say something. Like, there's usually something we have, a desire we have, and it's hard. It's tough to walk into a conversation and release that completely. Mm-hmm. Be open to the moment. Like, when we go to teach, this is how we handle it, right?

We create this lesson plan, and we lay it all out how we imagine it might go. Yeah. We think it through. We see each game and what we're hoping to get out of the class in general. Mm-hmm. And then you walk in and you listen to the room. Yeah. You have to. Have to. Have to. Everything changes. Literally. Like, everything. Mm-hmm. You notice that that room, right?

If you're listening at this deep level, right? Yeah. You notice that room doesn't need that right now. They just need to laugh. Mm-hmm. They need a day. Like, it's a tough, tough time right now. Everybody just needs to have some fun. So, we need to get out as teachers and literally just play games with them today. Yeah. Yeah. And that needs to be our objective. And in order to do that, it's hard because you have to release the work you did.

Because sometimes, it's ego-wise, right? Mm-hmm. You want your lesson plan to come out or your speech when you're going out to talk or your whatever, right? Yeah. I did so much work and I just want to do my thing. Exactly. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. We do. I want you to think I'm great. Yeah. I did all this work, so I want you to see all of the work that I did.

Mm-hmm. And not really realizing that that work is what made you better. Mm-hmm. Like, you could use nothing on that lesson plan and you were better for taking the time to go through it and have that ready to go. It fueled your ability to feel free enough to listen in the room. Yeah. 100%. I love that. That's a great point. There's this book that we both read, but it's one of the only ones that I've read called "Ego is the Enemy" and that's by Ryan Holiday.

Mm-hmm. And I listened to it on audiobook and it's interesting because I'm still in this place. You know, it's kind of funny because I hang around you and Matt and you guys listen to a lot of books nowadays. And Matt's always done it. Now you're getting into it. But I'm like, eh, you know, I'm not in the… I just… I don't find time for that thing. Yeah.

That's pretty much what it comes down to. Like, I don't find time for that thing. Yeah. And I will eventually. Like, I see the power in it. I see the importance of it. It's just, it hasn't been a priority for me. But this one of those books where I read it, I listened to it, and it totally changed my perspective on life. Mm-hmm. You know, he goes back and he draws from history, from just straight up truth that's happened.

And he's like, well, look at this scenario. Look at this scenario. Like, these are all the ways to this point of today where people have let ego get the best of them and this is their outcome. You know? This is what happens when you do that. Yeah. You know? And so I highly recommend that book. But it definitely shaped where I'm at today is reading that because it's so strong.

It's so true. It's a truthful concept. That's what it comes down to. Yeah. Well, and it breaks down. It's right in the title. The idea that that enemy, we talked about this earlier, is inside of us, right? Mm-hmm. The greatest enemy is sitting right inside of us. And it's our own ego, our own desire to be seen, to be heard, whatever. That idea is what will attack us.

And so some of us more than others, like, and you got to be honest about that. I know that's one of the deep things that I've struggled with is this desire. And it came all the way from being younger and being told I was great, right? Because sometimes that can be a bad thing. And so being told that over and over and over when it came to acting in plays and different things coming up in a small town, it got to my ego.

And I felt like I was better than I was. In which case, then a wall got put up. And it became challenging to then accept growth and critique. Going to this idea of actually listening to what other people have to say and receiving critique. That's how you really grow. Anyone who thinks they made it has officially not. Yeah, for sure. Right? 100%. I'm going to, if you could turn up the USB channel, I'm going to play this moment from our showcase last night.

But basically, it goes back to this idea. And this is important for actors. Like we talk about typecast, right? Mm-hmm. You have to be cool with that. You have to understand like, I am who I am. And I'm very special. And I can use that. Don't try to be something you're not. Right? Yeah. And so this moment from last night's showcase, it's so beautiful because it's just an example of this heightened listening, but more importantly, letting go of ego.

Yeah, for sure. You know? I am who I am. I'm going to play that. And it's hilarious. It's hilarious. So I will throw that up here really quick. Who do you think you are? I am Mrs. Here to make money for my children. This is my- Step aside, small man. No. I am not small. I am small man. Yeah, you tell yourself that in your sleep, I think.

I tell myself this in real life. You see? I may be small, but I am strong in stature. I love it. Anytime someone gets slapped on stage, it's just a big bonus. That's the heightened listening though. Right. That's the heightened listening. That's so hard. That's such a hard move to make. Yes. And Jurgis said yes. Mm-hmm. Fell to the ground, like did that. And then it's funny because from that character's point of view, he would say like, I am not strong.

Or I'm not small. I'm strong in stature. I'm strong in stature. Right. Yes. You know? So in technicality, you could say like, oh, he denied it. Like whatever. No. Mm-hmm. He was playing the point of view. Yeah. He understood. Like I am small. I'm very small compared to this person. Right. Like I'll fight like I would or like somebody in my shoes would. Yes. But he was willing to drop the like, he didn't deny it either.

Right. He didn't stand there and like take the slap and just like be strong and not move. Yeah. Like look at him like, you see, I'm very strong, you know, or whatever. Like it was a full acceptance. Even to the point of cutting it. I didn't even have to work. It was so easy because he was listening at such a heightened level. As the hand was coming down, I saw his physicality, which someone will be doing a little bit of next month.

He just drops right down. Mm-hmm. And that's again, that idea of like full on trust and acceptance. And then what I love is he stayed down. Mm-hmm. He stayed down for, for a while. Yeah. Right. Which added so much to the comedy. Uh, and Jared gets a lot for being small. Yeah. I love it because he doesn't, he doesn't deny it. He uses it on stage and because of his acceptance of it, other people accept it and use it too.

You know, I've seen Ray use it. I've seen, um, uh, I've seen, uh, Siebert use it. Like so many people who are taller than him, bigger than him going, okay, he's okay with this. Mm-hmm. So I can do that. If a moment comes up naturally. Yeah. That you can pull out and know that I'm totally 100% okay with it. Yeah. Yeah. And that's that person going, I'm putting my ego aside.

I'm putting aside me and I'm doing what's best for, for the show for everybody else. And let's go. A hundred percent. And it goes back to heightened listening. You know, Jared's been an improv player for a long time. He doesn't want to be an actor. Right. Yeah. For personal development. He's turned into a great actor. Mm-hmm. Absolutely. Because he's confident in himself and he's willing to listen and play for his team and be a team player.

And he's been around long enough where the concept, the formula of improv is really clicking for him. And so like you said, he, he falls down and he lays there and he waits until the scene is dying. Mm-hmm. Yeah. If you watch the showcase, he waits until it's, it's, it's getting stale. And then he wakes up to give it the spark that it needs. Right. Yep. And it goes back to, if you really dive into that, that is such a selfless move.

That is, Hey, I'm going to wait for you. I'm going to be your safety net. Mm-hmm. Going to be, be your blanket. Yeah. And you can only do that if you're listening at a high level. Absolutely. Yeah. We're going to get into that. Actually in our next section, we even have another clip that we'll show you guys in the power of listening deeply. Yeah. Listening deeply. So we're going to take our last commercial break before we go into our final section, the power of listening deeply, show you a couple little examples and wrap up today's show.

One, get out there. And that's happened like four times when you come in where you'll do some creative move. And then the next person will go in and they'll be like, when they get to direction, they'll be like, yeah. Uh, what if you just did what he just did? Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, you do it enough. Like you just, you just, yeah, there's a laugh. Yeah.

Thank you. I appreciate it. That was 100% the right choice. The moment you realize you're stuck for sex, stop and literally take a breath. You have to react to that from his point of view as honestly as possible. One, two, three. Hello everybody. And welcome back for our final section. Woo. But also like. Yeah. Both those things. Both those things. Yo, this show is flying by flying.

So fast. Oh my gosh. Crazy. So this is our final section. We're going to wrap everything up and talk about the power of deep listening. Uh, Joey's got a quote to open us up here. I'm going to throw it over my man, Joey, for the first quote of this final section. Thanks for throwing it over my man. It's thrown. It's thrown. Yeah. It has been thrown. The ball has been passed and I will now get the assist.

You will now get the assist. Wow. Oh, thank you. Thank you. I think I bricked the shot when I said I will now get the assist. No, no. The audience loves it. Oh, you're right. You're right. Thank you, people. Thank you. Thank you. When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new. Dalai Lama. Boom. Go to the second quote too, Joe.

Let's just hear both of them and then we'll break it down. All right. Listening to others' viewpoints may reveal the one thing needed to complete your goals. Dee Wrigley. And now one more time, read both. When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new. Dalai Lama. Listening to others' viewpoints may reveal the one thing needed to complete your goals.

D. Wrigley. Boom. So the reason I had to do both in a row is the common denominator here, which is listening. Oh, not math. Yeah, I know, right? But like fun math, fun math, just like the fun kind where you get to solve problems. No, but like the idea of listening, right, to that level is with a desire to grow, a desire to seek knowledge. We go into this in ego and these other sections, but sometimes we do things having already felt like we know the answer, right?

And always, in every situation, and Matt's so good at this, he really is fantastic at it. But walking into any situation, no matter what, with a deep desire to learn something, like even teaching kids. You talked about this the other day. Yeah. Like, I can learn something from a five-year-old. If I'm really listening, if I'm seeking out new ways and not trying to be better than the five-year-old, there's something I can learn from them.

Exactly. And it goes back to this idea of everybody's brought up differently. Everybody has a different personality. Everybody has a different home life. So going into that exactly, you know, this five-year-old kid walks in, you're the teacher. They have a different life than you did. Mm-hmm. Right? So they may have this sense of peace, this sense of work ethic, this sense of anything that you didn't have, and that's where they can teach you something.

Totally. Yeah. We had a student, have a student, Katie Lu, who did a song about the studio. Oh, my God. And she's just like a very deep part of our program. And she comes in one week and does like, I want to give everybody just a compliment and started with that. Right? Yeah. And it was such a powerful start to class. And I was just like, dang, like it was such a nice reminder.

And I learned something from her that day. Mm-hmm. I learned the idea, the reminder of continuing to reinforce in them and in myself all the things that we're grateful for. Yeah. Right? And you know what? You go into the class the next week, you try to do that exercise, it's not going to be good. That's right. Yeah. It's not going to be good. Mm-hmm. It comes from the moment.

It comes from listening. It comes from feeling it out. Yes. You know? Mm-hmm. That's powerful. I love that. Absolutely. And there are constant moments like that if you're seeking them. Everywhere. Like you mentioned the books, right? Mm-hmm. There are certain books you write. Like I love that book by Ryan Holiday. I love The Ego is the Enemy. And there's a couple others that have, like Kevin Hart's book.

The new one is like so funny. Like you got to listen to that. You'll love it. But there are certain ones, honestly, that have been a bit of a drag. Like I'm listening to it and going through and I'm like, ugh, right? But then I have to flip it and go, there's something I can take from this. Yeah. And always, I don't care how bad the book is.

There's always something if you're listening and really actively trying that you can grow from. Yeah. Right? No, I got a great point for this. So we do the Divine Roots podcast, right? Mm-hmm. And that's very like serious, spiritual, right? And Paul came in for our second episode of this second season, the relaunch, right? And he was talking to Matt and I, as we always do beforehand. And he said, oh, my wife said like, why are you so serious, Paul?

You know, it doesn't feel like you're being yourself all the way. And his response to her was, that's how I am when I work. You know, that's what it's like. You know, I get down to this like very serious, spiritual, talk to you, monotone level, right? Yeah, yeah. And so that's what he heard, right? He sort of disregarded it a little bit and wasn't like hardcore felt one way or the other.

That was just his interpretation in the moment. And Matt heard that when he mentioned that. And Matt was like, no. Like, she's right. Like, she's got a point. She put in the work to listen. That's what she got out of it. She got the – she understood the podcast. She liked it. She got something out of it. But what she got out of it from knowing you is like, you know, you're not 100%.

It doesn't feel like you're being self. You know, you got to be a little more fun. It can't be all serious every moment, right? And that's what Matt took out of it from listening at that deeper level when Paul told us that story. And this next episode was like totally different energy, more him, more personality, more fun. And honestly, probably much easier for viewers to listen to because of that.

And it's all because Matt was able to listen for intention. He was able to listen for, you know, trusting that she's an expert in a certain area, you know. So instead of writing off, oh, you don't know what you're talking about, like he was like, oh, no, no. She's – let me listen to what she was saying. Yeah, yeah. Listen to underneath. Yeah. And there's always something that's like if somebody brings something up, there's something behind it.

So I don't care who it is or how they bring it up. There's something in there. And that's something Matt's taught us as teachers. Like if somebody comes and talks to us after class about something, they might even do it in a really rude way. Yeah. They might. I mean, they may have a bad attitude about it and the way they approach it. But there's something in there that they're saying that if we're willing to listen that we can probably grow from and make a better class the next time because that person was willing to speak out.

And that's tough. I mean, even his wife to come in and speak out an opinion is you putting yourself out there. Absolutely. And you got to give that person a cookie. 100%. If that's behavior you want them to repeat, which if you want to get better, of course you do. Absolutely. So instead of ridiculing them or making them feel small or like they did something wrong by telling you the truth about what they felt, you say, oh, thank you so much.

Even if it hurts. Even if what they said hurts. You know, you say, thank you so much. Appreciate it. Yes. I'll definitely reflect on that. And you don't have to take it as 100% fact. Right. Every time somebody says something. Yeah. But if they're willing to go out of their way to give you their opinion, what they got out of it, there's definitely something you can grow from in there.

Whether you take the whole point or just a piece of it. Absolutely. Yeah. I'd like to throw this into improv really quick on listening on a deep level. Oh, heck yeah. So if you want to prep that clip, we've got a clip from the teen class with Phil. What makes this clip so great that we'll talk about is there's this scene going on on the stage and it needed like that spice, right?

That Joey talked about that Jared brought earlier. And Phil is heightened listening from behind the curtain. And we even talked about this with our mom yesterday. Like there's a power behind the curtain. Like literally I want to put myself in a position to see, but if I'm really listening on that deep, deep level, like I can, I can hear every little detail that's going on. And just through hearing, purely through hearing, be able to tell when to jump in with something.

So we'll throw this clip up and then talk about it real quick. Yeah. 100 P and I'll just give this little context. So the, for the play, their, their suggestion, their title was closet. Yeah. Yeah. And that just, that just, you'll watch this and you'll go, oh, you know, he was really heightened listening. He added the spice, but he also brought them closer to the title, hoping they would not drop it.

Right. Yes. You know, yes. Understanding that, ah, we can get close. We can hint at this. But then once you hint at it, the audience is waiting and they're waiting and they're waiting and they're waiting. And then you get to drop it at the end and they're like, oh, thank you. Right. Thank you. So, yeah, I will play that moment right now. I actually have a question to ask.

What's up? Would you mind if I went to the lake with a couple of my friends this weekend? Can I come? Can you come? See, I have a, I have a lot of bad role models in that friend group. It's okay. I can bring the apple juice. Oh, you can bring the apple juice. Yeah. Because that's going to fix it. Is someone there? Help! Ignore that. Please!

Ignore that. Ignore what? Thank you. Someone help me! Is that the dog again? Probably, yes. I'm stuck buying some boxes! About this lake thing. Yeah. We're going to go Sunday. Somebody! So I can come or not? Yeah. Somebody help! So, hilarious. Like rolling on the floor laughing when I was watching and filming that yesterday. Yeah. But again, like going back to what I just said before we played it, what did he hint at?

He said, I'm stuck behind some boxes! Right. Yeah. You didn't say, I'm in the closet. Very subtle. Very subtle. Yes. Yes. And when it comes to the heightened listening, again, behind the curtain, if you watch, we talk a lot about soft focus in class. He's listening for when are the points to jump back in, and his team is allowing him to. Mm-hmm. So, Zach could throw something out, and somebody else wouldn't, knowing that Phil is the next move.

Yeah. And then come back over to Mooney saying something, and then back over to Phil. And then the door knocks, and then Phil jumps back in. And, like, there were plenty of points, and he's gotten there now, where he understands the idea of soft focus, heightened listening. When do I jump in? Yeah. And everybody on the other side is going, here, I'm passing the ball to you.

Even though I can't see you, I'm trusting that you're going to jump in right now and throw out another crazy thing that I'm going to have to deal with. Yeah. Right? Yeah. And so, it was both ends. I mean, on the other end, too, Zach has continued to listen and go, like, ignore that, you know? Grounding. Exactly. Exactly. It feels the weird Zach's grounding it. Yeah. Yes.

100%. And I think that's that idea within improv of just listening on that deep, deep level. And then there was one little point I didn't get to that I just want to hit before we close. Yeah. Which was when we go into this idea outside of improv in life, Matt wrote this down. Why ask someone's opinion? Are you looking for truth or are you looking for affirmation in your own ideas?

Ask yourself why the other person is sharing what they're saying and selflessness or whatever. So, again, when you're going into asking something, I just want to make sure we hit this. It's like, why do you ask only if you really want to grow? Yeah. And I think all the way through this idea of deep listening, you have to be willing to be wrong and want to grow.

Yeah. Want to level up. And the only way to do that is by truthfully, honestly, being willing to put yourself out there. Being willing. Like, Phil was the crazy. Mm-hmm. Right? I mean, he's yelling from behind the curtain. And he's going like, he has to make a bold move to be willing to be loud enough and be crazy enough to play that part. Yeah. And he does without fear.

And when he gets done, Phil wants to know how to get better. Yeah. And same on the other end, right? So, you got to know, why am I asking? Do I want it? Right? Mm-hmm. If you're the one with the critique, you got to ask, do they want it? Yes. Yes. Because otherwise, you're putting yourself through something that's not fair to you. It's not going to end well.

You're trying to be nice. You're trying to be selfless. But sometimes, that's not what that person wants or needs in the moment. Mm-hmm. And so, as the person giving the critique, you have to listen, too. Are they ready for this? Do they want this? Yeah. Because otherwise, I'm putting myself in a very vulnerable spot by trying to make you better. Yeah. You know, I become the enemy.

Yeah. You, not ego. Yeah. For real, though. I mean, and that's that idea. We talked about this, I think it was yesterday. The idea of, like, being aware of, once you level up, sort of, the people around you, you got to be aware when someone's ready or not. Mm-hmm. You know? And that's, again. The people around you change or the people around you change. Boom. Love that quote.

Yeah. Love it. It's straight facts. Straight facts. Dope. Well, thank y'all for hanging out with us this morning. This was a fun episode. Absolutely. Bro episode. Wrapping it up. I mean, the idea. We got a three points. Most people don't actually listen. Remove ego from the conversation and the power of listening deeply. But really, the core comes down to being willing to drop your own stuff and be present in the moment.

Yeah. Be present and desire to grow. 100%. Hit that subscribe button if you enjoyed this episode this morning. Share it with your friends. I do truly believe that this, the mission of this, our goal with this is to help people. So, if you would share that with somebody who might need it, that would be really, really greatly appreciated. Thanks so much. We'll see you tomorrow morning at 7 a.m.

God bless. Thanks for listening to Mornings with Matt. Please like, subscribe, and follow us at Dearing Acting Studio to keep up with the latest content. For more information on classes, private lessons, or professional development coaching, visit www.dearingstudio.com. Have a Dearing day, everyone. Have a champy day, everyone. Ref.