How to Stick to a Habit: Know Your Why, Pack Your Bags, and Reprogram ‘Not Good Enough’

Welcome to Mornings with Matt, personal and professional development training that connects the art of acting with critical life skills and self-mastery, presented by the Dearing Acting Studio. Good morning, Eliana. Good morning. How's your morning going? Good so far. How about you? Amazing. Amazing. Thank you for asking. So you got some questions for me? Yeah. All right, let's jump right in. All right. All right. So first question I have for you is, since quarantine has been put into effect, I've noticed that my sleep schedule is way off, like 4 a.m. to 12 p.m.

It's really bad. I used to work nights in hospitals not too long ago, so I feel like that's partly to blame. But I'm having the hardest time breaking this habit, and not only with sleep, but with exercise and other habits that I'd like to break or like start, do you have any advice for picking a habit and then sticking to it and being just motivated to see it through?

Yeah, I absolutely do. Let me ask you a question. Why do you want to change your sleep habit? I want to change my sleep habit because when I get up like this, when I get up early, I feel so much better. I'm more productive. I'm able to spend more time with my family because they're on a regular schedule. And so I would just like to be able to be more present during the actual day and not at night.

Sure. Okay. And why are those things important to you? Well, family is obviously a value to me. We usually don't get to spend a lot of time together. So being quarantined together is really great. And so I like to spend time with them. But also being productive, it just makes me feel better. I don't like doing things at night. I just, I don't know. I don't feel like I do well.

I feel like I'm more productive during the day and getting that sunshine feels good and all that kind of stuff. So what happens at night when you're trying to work at night? Are you finding yourself getting distracted a bit? Yeah. Or just not as like motivated to do the things I need to do. I don't like get ready. Maybe I stay in like pajamas the entire time or stuff like that.

What happens if you don't change that habit? What are the worst case scenarios? Worst case scenarios? Maybe not as productive to get things done that I'd like to get done. Like what? Like what might this cost you? I mean, it would cost me time with my family. As far as the productivity is concerned, what is it going to cost you? I guess not much. I can't really think of anything.

Okay. Well, we need to think of something. So, so what is the, what is the goal right now? Like, what are you, what are you going after? I just started a podcast and really like to get some more episodes recorded and get those posted. So that's a big thing. Okay. Why is that important? Um, it's something I've always wanted to do. I've had the idea for about a year now and I finally feel that I have the time.

I'm not in school. I'm not, I don't have a job. And so it's just kind of the perfect time to get it rolling. Um, and I just feel like this is a great time to use my voice and be heard. Great. And, and Brian, so her, her mouth and the, uh, the video are not exactly lined up. So I don't know if, if that's affecting the live video at all.

Why don't you check out the live video? Okay, good. So I'm asking you these questions for a very specific reason. So is this new podcast of yours, you said you've wanted to do it for a long time. Is this a part of your dream? Yes. Okay. Can you describe your dream for me? A dream. Um, my, I guess my lifelong dream would to be able to combine two of my passions, which are nursing and working in the medical field and acting and performing arts and being able to use both those platforms to do things like start a nonprofit.

Um, be able to public speak and hold workshops for people in communities and just kind of be a leader. Um, and yeah, I guess that'd be my dream. Okay. So do you have a vision yet for how you're going to combine acting in the arts with nursing? No. So what's the podcast about? My podcast is called Lost and Found and it's kind of just like a vocal journal in a way.

Um, I don't really edit it. Um, I don't really edit it. I have one, one episode so far and, um, it's just kind of where I can speak my thoughts about certain topics and, um, be able to, um, just share my thoughts with other people. That's good. Okay. Okay, great. So, so here's the deal. You are, um, not a hundred percent clear on your exact vision. Um, and so right now you need to, you need to write down very specifically how you're going to connect these two things together.

Cause I actually believe that the vision is really, the, the idea is very good. The vision is not. Gotcha. So you're not, um, you're not crystal clear on how you're going to navigate these waters and, and whether or not you're right or wrong, you just need to set your sails in a direction and be specific so that you have real purpose. Um, let's call your dream a plane ride.

Okay. If you don't get up in the morning, if you don't change your habit, the plane is going to take off without you, your dream will belong to somebody else who didn't miss the plane. They're going to give up your seat. So it's really important for you to understand why you're doing what you're doing. So I would even go into the family and think to yourself, um, so, so for me, I've got, I've, I've got some important habits, um, where I will ensure that family time happens.

Half of it though, half of what works is the fear. So I believe you can use fear for good right now. There's a lot of fear in the world, a lot of bad fear, but, but there is, there is such a thing as good fear. So if I allow myself to go down a path of good fear in order to use it to my advantage, I can think to myself, what might happen if I don't dedicate to my family?

Well, I might start to slowly degrade my relationship with my wife. My kids might grow up distancing themselves from me. I may miss some of the best years of their life and regret it forever. Am I ever going to regret being there, being present, connecting with them? I won't. So I have to understand that this, like, this is what's going to happen if I don't make a shift, if I don't change.

And you write it down and you'd be very, very specific. Then you're going to be specific about this dream. And cause, cause here's, you're asking me how to fix your sleep schedule and how to fix some of these other habits. And the answer is, you have to know why it's important to you. If it's not extremely important to you, you won't do it. You might do it for a day, but you won't be fully committed to changing.

So it's all about the why. And right now your why is there, but it's not strong and it's not crystal clear. And, and I want to know, do you want to be a nurse and an actress or do you want to combine nursing healthcare with the arts? Cause you said you wanted to combine them. I'm not sure. Okay, good. So we're getting someplace. We, we realized that we're not clear.

No one has like ever called me out for that ever. So thank you. Well, let's tap into your heart. I mean, it's time to fix it. Um, what are you feeling right now? I like, don't like getting emotional. So thank you. Um, yeah, no, I think I struggle with being specific on what I want, mostly because like nobody's ever asked me that. Like, what do you want to do?

Um, sorry. Um, but yeah, I've always struggled with that. Like picking one, like I've always felt like tethered, like which one is my calling and can I combine the two? Like, what would that look like? Would it be hard? Why, why are you nursing? Are you, are you still nursing right now? I'm in school for nursing right now, but, um, Why is that your, is that your dream or someone else's dream?

It's my dream. It's always been a dream of mine, um, uh, since I was a kid was to help people. Um, and throughout college, at first I wanted to be a doctor and I was like, eh, not for me. And I kind of found that global health and nursing is kind of like the perfect combination because it's implementing my love for public policy and, um, nonprofit work, but also, um, there's nursing, which is the clinical side of it, but also it has the compassion and creating networks of people and getting to meet people of all kinds of walks of life.

So my goal is to be in public health nursing. And I think that's where I would really, um, be happy. So you're, you're not making the choice to go to nursing school because it's safe. That's not the reason. No. Okay. Now, why do you want to be an actress? It's also been a dream of mine since I was little. Why? Um, I don't know. There's just something about it that makes me so happy.

Um, some of my happiest, like moments of my childhood are from musical theater and performing on stage. It's like, I'm just like this whole other person. Go back to that time when you were happy. How, how old are you? Um, I'd say like 17. Okay. Describe it. What was going on? Oh, lots of crazy things. Yeah. Talk to me about it. I actually had just recently, I think I was like 16 or 17.

Yeah. So what took you away from acting? Why didn't you keep going? Um, there's a big moment. I think it was right before I got into high school. I actually was going to go to a performing arts high school. Uh, and, uh, my dad told me that I was not good enough to go to the school. And, uh, up until I moved out, that was his, his constant communication to me.

It's like, you're not good enough for this. You can never be this. Um, he, both him and my mom, uh, went to school for music. They both got their master's in music, um, taught music and all that kind of stuff. So I still take what, what they say very personally and their advice means a lot to me. Um, and so instead of being like, whatever, like, I'm still going to do this no matter what.

Um, I was like, maybe he's right. Like I'm, I'm not good enough for this and I should just forget about it. Um, and then I think when I got to college, instead of pursuing a major in dance, which is what I wanted to do at first, I chose something safe, um, because I knew I liked global studies. That wasn't my initial major. And, uh, I was like, okay, I can find a job in that, which is actually very hard to find a job in now that I know.

Um, but it just, it was a better alternative at the time for myself. I thought. Okay. And then, and then you found nursing after that. Yeah. About my juniors, end of my junior year. So, so I, I want to, um, I want to talk into a couple of things here really quick. Um, first and foremost, our, our parents, all of our parents, the, the, the, for the most part are going to fail.

So I'm a parent and I am failing. I guarantee you trying not to, but I understand that my kids are going to need therapy for either the fact that I didn't hug them enough or I hugged them too much. And either way, they're going to have to talk to somebody about it one day. So your, your dad scarred you and probably it was unintentional. Even though he's going through his own stuff, even though, you know, whatever he's done and, and that, that whole history, and I'm not saying you should talk to him because maybe you shouldn't.

Um, but know that at some point in time, you were his little girl. And there's this thing about parents that they really want to protect you. They want to make sure that you're going to be okay. And sometimes they'll do anything, even hurt you in order to try to protect you in some way. So if I were to tell you that back then, maybe you weren't good enough.

Maybe, maybe that's true. But what you needed was inspiration to work harder. What you needed was someone to kick you in the butt and say, Hey, you can do this, but don't think you, you are, have already made it because that would be a mistake. So it's a different messaging. Yeah. It's sort of the same idea because I actually firmly believe in this idea of not thinking you're good enough, but only in a positive way, because I want you to think that anything's possible because I actually believe that it is, but there is absolutely no fast track to anything.

Think about the amount of work and heartache that you've done so far to, to become a nurse. Has it been a lot of work? Oh yeah. And I'm not even there yet. How, I mean, how far along are you? Um, I mean, technically I like, I'm gonna get like a year in, not even, but emotionally it's been like three years. Yeah. Yeah. You know, my, uh, uh, my brother-in-law went through that nursing school and he had to, he, he failed a couple of times at the end.

It had to start over completely. So I don't know if you're in that same boat, but, but it, it's not easy. It's tough. And, and, and think about the amount of hours that you've already put in the amount of studying, the amount of thought, the amount of, um, practice you're going to have to do in person practice. And while you're doing that, while you're practicing in person, do they pay you as a nurse?

No, you pay them. You pay them to work. So people think that acting entertainment is different than other professions. It's not. Why would they not pay you as a nurse when you're still figuring it out? Because you're not good enough. That's why. It's not an insult. It's a fact. You're not good enough yet for us to pay you because we need someone else to help you along the way.

You're still figuring things out. That's okay. And everyone's okay with that. Everyone's like, Oh, okay. I get that. I'm a nurse. I'm going through nursing school and, and it's all right for me to pay for this for however many years you're already three years in and maybe it takes you another four years to, to finish. And then finally I'll get my first job and I'll be X amount in debt to school.

And that's okay because they're going to give me at the end some sort of a guarantee of a job that's going to pay X amount of money. As long as I get there though, if I don't get there, that's out. Well, the same is true of acting. The same is true of your podcasting. So if you think about this, if you want the other side, if you want that to be your job, if you want that to be what you do and define who you are, you have to tell yourself, actually, let me just go back to dad's advice and go, I'm not good enough, but let me, let me reprogram that thought instead of letting it hold me back.

Let me grab that thought and use it for good. I'm going to go, I'm not good enough. Not, I'm not good enough as a person, but I'm just not good enough to get paid yet. It just means I need more hours in the game. So think about if you, if you had dedicated all the hours you've ever spent trying to be a nurse on your podcast, where would it be?

It'd be, uh, farther along. It'd be farther, it'd be farther along. And the same thing with your acting, it would be farther along and you don't know exactly where you'll be, but all you know is you'd be farther along. And so that's all right. So if you, if you, if you wrap your mind around this and go, okay, I do have this pain a hundred percent. Let me tell you something about, uh, my history is interesting.

My dad's a doctor. I went through pre-med, not pre-med. I, I, I got all the way up to pre-med, but I was, I was, uh, I took all the prerequisites in college. I mean, it was brutal. And I dropped like late junior year and started over with a film filmmaking and photography degree. And then I ended up in acting when I was still working and transitioning. My job was at, in the emergency room.

So I, I went through all the, all the work. I became a patient care tech. I would draw blood. I mean, I would, I was, I was in the ER. I was literally saving lives. I would go up on the roof and grab, grab people from helicopters and bring them down. And sometimes they'd make it, sometimes they wouldn't. And I would get in trouble a lot at the hospital because I would get distracted, entertaining the lonely patients.

And they, and they, and they ripped me for it because they should have, I wasn't doing my job, but I was like, these people don't have a family. They need someone to talk to them. They need someone to, to be there and send love and listen to them. And so I would do that and, and I would get in trouble for it. And, and it, it sort of, you figure, I figured out this isn't where I need to be necessarily, but it doesn't mean I have to drop it.

And it doesn't mean I have to drop it right now. And in order for me to become the thing I want to do, which I found this teaching, connecting, helping other people with personal development and acting, I found it later. And I was like, this is what I want to do. I saw somebody else do it at a really high level and it just moved me. It changed my insides.

And I was like, I got to do that thing. And so what I did, I had three jobs. I was working in the ER. I worked at a golf course where I had to wake up at like three in the morning to be there by four. And then when that, when those jobs were over, I went to work on trying to start an acting studio. And for the first two years, we lost money.

So the money I was making at the golf course, I was putting in to underpay my employees. I could show you my tax returns. They are in the negative. And what I realized was I have to get to a place where I don't need to drop this until I have something here where, where it makes sense to drop this over here. Once I'm there, then I have, then I have to have the guts to let go of that completely and leap off the cliff.

But I'm not going to leap before I've, before I've created a parachute for myself. That's going to work a little bit. I wasn't telling myself I'm already good enough. Like I'm already, I'm already good enough to be there because I just wasn't. But I also wasn't telling myself that I couldn't get good enough. And those are two different things. I, I think, and here's, what's interesting. You and I, you and I both have this, this connection to, to medicine somehow.

I don't know if you've seen any of our other videos. I'm never wearing a nice dress up shirt. I got a different look. The reason I'm wearing this right now is because I'm going to have a meeting this morning to try to, uh, listen to somebody's presentation and see if there's some way that our company can help their telemedicine company deliver light-driven content that helps the elderly and help some of these people that are at home right now.

As they're, as they're going through this telemedicine process, how can I possibly help them with their mindset? How can we create some sort of inspirational videos or commercials or something that can impact them? Yeah. And I'm not worried about getting paid because this is a new, it's a new endeavor for me. I know we have the content. I know we can deliver that thing, but I don't know what, I have no idea.

Walking in this meeting, I have zero idea, but guess what this is? It was interesting. It's like kind of, this is a God thing. What am I doing? What am I combining? The medicine and the acting. What do you want to do? I would like to combine the both. Well, you can, that's my point. You can. So if you're really passionate about nursing, if that's, if that's a true desire in your heart, there's no reason you can't use your talent, cultivate your talent, and then bring this into a field that really needs it.

I mean, I mean, you know, the elderly right now, how badly do they need somebody who can reach them and talk to them and entertain them and tell them it's going to be okay? I mean, it's huge. It's a big deal. And your, your podcast can be about that. Your podcast can be about your own struggles and getting over somebody telling you something about what you can't do, or even dealing with the idea of, gosh, did I process that this way?

And I didn't have to, because that's a whole new thing too. When we go into these past memories, you have a choice and you can actually transmute those memories into whatever you want them to be. So he said, you're not good enough to get into that school. You heard, I'm not good enough to pursue my dream. You replaced his words with something else. Whereas you look back at Michael Jordan and somebody told him, you're not good enough to make the basketball team.

And he said, I'm going to use that as fuel to drive me to not only make the basketball team, but to make the varsity team the next year. And to be so good that I'm the best player on your team. You don't tell me what I can and cannot do. Now, was he good enough to make the team? I don't know. I think the story goes, he had talent, but he didn't have heart.

And when you ask, when Michael Jordan has been interviewed about that, it's one of the things he's most grateful for in the entire world. Because had he been able to just show off his skills without having the guttural work ethic to continue to get better, he would have never made it to the NBA. So you're going to now take your pain, you're going to transmute it, and you're going to use it for good.

You're going to write down your dream. That's your plane. Be very specific. This is what I want to do, and in this time frame, here's what I'm willing to give up to get it. Here's what I'm not willing to give up. Here's my family. Here's what will happen if I do not connect with them in a certain way. And I'm not talking about tomorrow. I'm talking about the compound effect of you not being present over two years.

Tell me about your family real quick. Who are we talking about? So my mom. My brother, who's almost 21. Sister, actually sister, is 14 and 17 or 16. 16 or 17. Great. So over two years, how is my relationship impacted with these people if I sleep? If I sleep until noon? How are their lives impacted? How are my younger siblings? How is their life forever changed by watching my habits?

When you change? When you change, when you make the decision to change, the people around you are going to change or the people around you are going to change. So for the people you love the most in your life, they should be driving you to be the best version of you you can be because you're either going to help lift up the family or you're going to help pull down the family.

But make no mistake, they are watching you. They are paying attention to what you do and they are going to model themselves after you. And you don't talk about it. You don't tell them what to do or what you're doing, but they're going to take notice. And they're going to just watch you and say, wow, Eliana is getting, like she's getting up at five in the morning every day.

By the time I wake up, she's already done a podcast and published it. How is she doing this? What's going on with her? And they'll ask you, what are you doing? What happened? What changed? And you're going to say, I just made a decision. One day I decided this is the way it's going to be and I'm never going back. It's that easy? Yeah, it's that easy.

And it's also that hard because it's a daily choice. But if you want it also, you can have it. And let me show you how. And that's when people come to you and they say, what are the Wheaties you're eating? Because I would love to have some of those Wheaties. And then you get to tell them and you get to be a light in their life. But you can only do that from you first making the choice yourself.

So every night, you got to pack your bags. Every single night. It's got to be important to you. It's got to be crazy important to you to go to bed, pick out your outfit, know what you're going to wear on the plane tomorrow. Get up, shower. I highly, highly recommend if you haven't heard this yet, read the Bible. The life lessons you're going to get from the Bible, the business lessons you're going to get from the Bible and the connectedness you'll get from spirit are going to be forever changing your life.

And it takes as much as 10 minutes. So you're going to get up. You're going to feed your spirit. You're going to move your body in some way, some form of exercise. It could be 10 minutes of a walk outside. It could be some yoga stretches, anything that kind of gets your blood flowing, making you feel good. Then you're going to exercise your mind. Some kind of specific reading.

It's got to be, it's got to be reading. And what am I passionate about? So if it's 10 minutes of an acting book, 10 minutes of a nursing book, 10 minutes to feed my mind with something I want to grow in. So now you've got, let's just say you include a shower in there. You're 45 minutes in. You've woken up. Now get to work and spend three hours on your dream.

And eventually you're going to need to spend nine hours on your dream, 10 hours on your dream, 12 hours on your dream, but you haven't earned that yet. So right now you still have to have a side hustle going on, but eventually your dream becomes your day job. This is the whole point to the book that I wrote. Acting is my day job. It kind of has nothing to do with acting.

It has to do with how do I make my dream my reality? And anyone can do it. But there is no shortcut. There's no fast track. But it's a guarantee if you decide and you follow through. Thanks for listening to Mornings with Matt. Please like, subscribe, and follow us at Dearing Acting Studio to keep up with the latest content. For more information on classes, private lessons, or professional development coaching, visit www.dearingstudio.com.

Have a Dearing day, everyone.