Putting Your Life in GO Mode: The First Decision Is Made the Night Before, Creating False Pressure, and Acting As If the Change Is Forever

Welcome to Mornings with Matt, personal and professional development training that connects the art of acting with critical life skills and self-mastery, presented by the Dearing Acting Studio. Okay, welcome back everybody to Mornings with Matt. Today we've got a special guest, Mr. Nick Mulata. Hello, Nick. Welcome to the show. Good morning, Matt. Glad to be here. Glad to have you. So tell me, what's going on with you right now, Nick?

Well, man, I'm just taking life one day at a time. Like you, you mentioned in your notes here that when you came over to our studio, it was a bit of a spiritual experience for you. Tell me about that. So, so for a long time, I, um, I guess I was, I've been rebuilding my life step by step over the last 10, 15 years or so. And a lot of that time I've spent kind of, uh, on my own trying to, to fix the things that I needed to fix before I can get myself back out there again.

And coming to Dearing was actually the first place that I chose to come back out and get back into society again. So suddenly moving my life into a place where I suddenly had all of these, these, these close friends and, and a great environment to go in and just feel like I belong there, um, was really special to me and going down to you guys twice a week, um, and leaving there, I just felt better mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

I just felt a lot more, uh, fulfilled that way. So to me, it became, I, I likened it to, to going to church for me. So, and that's what it really was like coming down there to see you guys. Cause I felt so rejuvenated every, every time I left, you know? So when that was kind of, uh, when that ended for a little while, I, I definitely felt the hole that that left behind, um, you know?

Yeah, absolutely. Um, our, um, our studio has been likened to a church before and I, people have asked me when I, when they talked to me about my church and my involvement, and I always tell them that I don't usually get too involved in like small groups and different things like that at the church environment, because I'm like, I, we already do that type of stuff, you know, like that's kind of like our every, every week thing over here.

Um, and we do like, we, we feel the same as you. I mean, you guys are our community, you're our people. And so, yeah, it's been a, it's been a major, a major adjustment. And so where, where are you mentally right now through this? Are you, are you doing well with it? Are you feeling like you're struggling in some way? At first, I, I would say I probably wasn't doing, uh, as good as I could have been.

Um, just because it was kind of like a shock, like, okay, well, my life was moving in this direction and I felt like I was making progress finally and accomplishing things and moving towards my goals. And all of a sudden that that was, uh, there was a stop put to that. And I kind of had to scramble in my mind and try to figure out, well, okay, how do I continue to do that?

How do I continue to move towards my goals when I can't really, I'm really limited on what I can do. Um, you know, so, and that kind of, to be honest with you, there was, there was a while there where that kind of turned into a little bit of, uh, well, I'll just relax today. Well, I'll just relax today. I'll stay in bed a little bit longer and all I got tomorrow, I got the rest of the week.

So I started to procrastinate, kind of push things off. And then that, that kind of turned into a habit. So I kind of, I kind of got a little sluggish there for a while, but I, I, I have the energy mentally to try to continue on, um, you know, but it's been tough. Got it. So have you, have you jolted yourself out of it or is, is maybe like this morning being on the show, a part of the, your, your, your attempt at, at coming out of the hole?

Like, what is your thought? Um, so I, I've had jolts of, of coming out of it. Like, um, I'll, uh, there's, there's a test at work that I have to study for. And I've, I've been studying for that and make myself study for that or, or make myself continue my, my exercises, even if I have to do it in the house. Um, I was going for jogs and stuff like that, which I can still do, you know, but, um, and as far as the show, uh, this was a great, this was a great opportunity for me to, to be honest, I haven't been really been getting up before eight o'clock for a couple of days.

So this has been a great experience or opportunity for me to, to, to have a purpose in the morning. So I appreciate you guys having me on here. Well, like, how do you feel this morning having been up? What time did you get up today? I got up about, uh, six. Okay. And how do you, how do you feel right now? I feel good. I feel good.

I feel like I, I, you know, I, I, there's, there's a whole day ahead of me and I'm pretty optimistic. Yeah. The energy's good. Cause truthfully you look good. Well, thank you. Yeah. I mean, really. And I, I, I, I mean that with all sincerity there, we, we had to make a choice of what time we were going to do this show when we started it. Uh, I guess it was about, I mean, what episode are we on Joey?

We're on like 17, 16. So a couple of weeks ago we had to decide what time to start the show. And, you know, I get up pretty early and, um, and I, I was like, well, the one good thing about seven o'clock is it doesn't really get in the way of too many things. Absolutely. So it'll be hard for something to come in and disrupt the show.

So that's a good hour. But then the, the other thing I did think about was if people want this kind of content or if they want it live, they're going to have to get up for it, you know? And I thought that that was a good thing. And so, um, yeah, so that's, so that's good. And so what, what you want to do for yourself, and I'll just give you a couple of hints and some tricks that I've used.

Cause I get, I got to tell you, I've been saying this a lot. I have been struggling also. Like there's no doubt. Um, but I've been trying to practice what I preach and thank goodness I've got a team around me who have, has heard my jargon for a very long time. And so when I'm down, I usually come to them, whether it be my wife, my kids, or, or the team here at the studio.

And I loved it. This, this concept of dark to light, which is basically what you're doing right now. So you're saying, here's the thing, here's the truth. This is what I'm going through. Let me say it out loud and then be willing to hear some kind of a, a redirect to help me. So, so I do, I do that a lot. I do it constantly and, and recently I've been doing it more than usual.

And usually the team will say, or my wife will say, well, let me give you a piece of your own advice, you know, and they'll throw something at me. But the, you know, the key is, the key is right now to, to lock this memory in your mind and remember that you feel good. Remember, remember that your skin tone feels a little bit fresher and that you're, you know, you just feel a little better about yourself.

And the idea is to, to lock that in and make that memory stronger than any feeling that you get from sleeping in. So the associations can change. Cause if you don't change the associations, then, um, then you'll, you'll always be kind of playing this back and forth game where you, you have to have something in order to get up. But if you can just, if you can just associate, Hey, I feel good when I wake up, I feel better when I wake up.

Is it, is it a struggle? Yeah. But so is going to the gym or choosing not to like eat right or like, we all know what's good for us and what's not. So if you feel it and you remind yourself and you go, this feels really good. And then ideally you can associate something else with the sleeping in. So you can say, you know, uh, man, I felt sluggish or I felt lazy or I felt, you know, bad or depressed or whatever it is.

And you can just associate it with something you want to change. And now what you're doing is you're neuro programming yourself to, to do the thing automatically that you, that you know, is going to set you up for success, whether it be harder or not. You're just like, it's just what you do. It's who you are. Absolutely. And, um, and that, that, that would help tremendously. And it's, it's, um, it's something that I have used to a degree, um, before.

Um, but also another, another issue that I've been having is in the past, I've, uh, you But, um, I find like if, if my mood drops, if my, um, the way I feel kind of drops, then my decision-making will also drop depending on how I feel, you know, and that's, that's kind of been a struggle too over the last hundred percent. My advice doesn't change though. Right.

So the idea being that first decision, I think starts the night before. And so you're going to, you're going to decide tonight that you're going to get up tomorrow. So neat. You need your own morning show, so to speak. Like you need your own morning ritual, something that is yours. And it's protected. And you say like, this is the thing. I'm not going to miss it. I have to do this thing, whatever it is at this time.

So you can just, you're dedicated the night before to waking up. Then what's interesting is those, those, those little decisions that are being made at night are actually stemming from the decisions in the morning. So what happens is if the very first decision of our day that we make is to hit the snooze button, then we've programmed ourselves from the very beginning of our day that we're going to procrastinate.

We're going to, we're going to hit the snooze whenever we don't feel like doing the next thing. And so then all of a sudden things pile up on you. And I believe that we are only given so much willpower in a day. And I've noticed this for myself when, when, when I'm feeling totally stressed out, it's usually because I've made too many critical decisions that day and I'm just out.

And so I either need a nap. I need straight up to have like my wife take over or the team or just, or just like, I got to just zone out, but I know I'm not in a good capacity to make a good decision. Like I can feel it. And so one of the ways that I've protected myself is I wear pretty much the same clothes every day.

So I've got about three pairs of pants that all look similar. I wear, I wear pretty much gray and black, you know, um, and like a hoodie, you know, that, that, that's my, my thing. And so the night before, if, as long as I have something clean, I just fold it, stick it out on the, on the table and I know what I'm going to wear the next day.

So that's, it's, it's gotten rid of one of those critical decisions that I wake up and have to think about. And the more of those I can get rid of, the better. So if I've already figured out breakfast, that helps. If I've already figured out, you know, lunch, that helps. If I, if I've already figured out what my schedule for the day is going to be, that helps.

And so even having this morning show that I've had to do, that I committed to myself, this was one of those things where, let me tell you, Easter morning, I didn't want to come in and do this show. And it turned out to be one of our favorite ones that we did, but I really didn't want to be here. There were a couple other mornings where literally like it was super hard to like one, one morning Joey woke me up and, and I had like five minutes to just like wake up and get on here.

But it was, it was something that, that forced me to have to hold myself accountable. So I just created something that, that became important to me. Even this morning, you know, the, the things that I'm trying to pass on to my kids is like make this into something where you think to yourself, what, what are some cool things that I can do? And maybe even ask and who knows, you know, like, let's just say you wanted to get more involved with us.

Ask. I mean, who knows? The worst thing we could do is say no. Right. So, yeah, so that's just one of those deals where you go, okay, like, why don't I figure out something that's going to, like, drive me because right now I'm limited by X, Y, Z. And then who knows? Then that becomes a career path, whether it be here or someplace else or your own thing.

Like, you just find a way to contribute and to be a part of the things you love more than anything in the world. And, and that's what you do. And, you know, I mentioned this yesterday on the show, on the, on the morning show. You got to, one of the things I believe we all need to do for this month, and maybe it's for more, for longer, but you got to go back.

If you, like, if you have goals written out, you got to go back and pick those goals up. And you don't need to rip them up, but you just need to set them aside. So, you pick up the goals that you had and you put them over here for a second and you start over. Right. And you say, now that, now that this is the world I live in, those goals are irrelevant.

And these new goals are the ones I need to set because this is my new circumstance. So, in 30 days, what am I going to accomplish? And that's what, that's one of the things that we did on, on one of our Instagrams was this be extraordinary challenge. And I've been doing this, um, since the beginning. And it was like, I wanted to look back and say every single day of the 30 days, I did something extraordinary.

That was a little out, out of the ordinary for me and hard and I accomplished something. So, I'm doing little things, like I'm refinishing a piece of furniture at my house that wasn't, that's not necessarily my strength, but I'm getting good at it and I'm taking my time and, and it feels really good. You know, we, we built a garden, um, you know, we're doing this show, we're connecting with students, we're trying to upgrade our, our, our work processes, you know, all kinds of different things.

I'm trying to connect with my son more. Like, you, you, you just think to yourself, like, okay, this is the, this is the crappy situation I'm in. If I just take the crappy out of it and I say, this is the situation I'm in for 30 days, these are my new goals. And then, then what's cool about it, I think, is it be like, for me, it's become a, a different clock.

So instead of me thinking, when is this going to be over? I'm almost worried that it's going to end too soon before I've gotten all my goals done. And I got to make sure I try to get all these things done because I'm looking at it as a way for me to get ahead, as a way for me to, even, even you think about it this way.

So depending on what your goals are, you just have to completely adapt them to the situation that we're in and then, and then sort of start over for a second. Absolutely. And, and, and, you know, as, as I've been here, I, I have, I have ideas and I have, um, things that I want to do as far as, uh, you know, like, well, I'm going to make a video and put it on Instagram today, or I'm going to do like an acting reel and post it on YouTube.

And it's just, it's just, it's just, I guess my mindset, I need to be in the right mindset to actually put my foot on the gas and do it, just go, you know? Um, and my mindset, like, since I've been coming to you guys, my mindset has improved drastically as far as staying positive and, and following through on these things, you know, but, um, I, I still find even now, like I have to be in the right mindset.

Um, and even if I'm not, if I try to accomplish these things, I will probably still do it, but it's going to take me a lot longer to actually, um, get my hands into it and get moving. You know, but once I take the first few steps and I can start to get through it, you know, and this would be the power of this idea that I, that I've created, which is, um, I, I believe to be very successful.

We have to learn to create false pressure for ourselves. So the truth is the reason we study in school is because there's a test and there's a teacher telling you the test is on this day. And if that weren't there, nobody would do the work. There'd be very few people that could be self-motivated enough to do the work and learn what they needed to learn. So that's why the testing process exists.

Now it's obviously very flawed because I went through school and just crammed at the last minute, didn't actually learn anything. So what I believe is you have to, you have to teach people the power of loving the process. And once you figure that out, you know, school can be fixed, but school aside, the same thing can be applied to, to any form of work. And so what, what we need to do for ourselves is create these false pressures that you're putting a deadline on something that doesn't really have a deadline.

So if, if I, let me, let me give you an example of this show, for instance, yesterday, I, we, we, we had all this stuff going on. I did the show anyway. I looked back, I think there was five viewers, something like that. So I'm like, okay, five people, you know, maybe two of them are my mom, who knows? So the idea of being like, if I, if I didn't show up in the morning, is the world going to shake up?

You know, is it going to be like this big, you know, thing? Um, you're probably not. But at the same time, I've created that in my own mind, like, like, this is a thing. Number one. Number two is I've just set a goal for myself. You know, I would love to have the days connect and say, I checked off every box. Like that to me is a thing, like a sense of pride.

I could be like, Hey, that's something I did. So those, those couple things have created this, this false pressure. I mean, I would put up a, I'd put up a thing that, that says, uh, that we're going to be going live tomorrow. Well, just by doing that, I've told whoever that I'm going to do it. As soon as I don't do that, I've gone against my word.

Right. So those are, those are like tiny ways of you creating those false pressures. So you could do something like, again, you know, you're our community, man. You're our people. We, we respect you a lot. Imagine you reached out to us and you just said, okay, Hey, so I'm going to do, uh, um, I'm going to do a sketch or an acting video or a reel. Uh, and I'm going to be done by Friday.

And you just tell us for whatever reason, you just tell us, I'm going to be done by Friday. And then you post it, you know, and we, and we post it like, Hey, Nick's going to be done with this thing by Friday. Now, all of a sudden you have this thing on your shoulders where you're like, I got to get done by Friday, you know? And then there's a reason to just push the ball forward today, no matter what.

And then you start reaching out for help even, or, or you start reaching to friends to get involved. Cause you know, I'm going to tell you, I'm going to have a hard time turning you down. You reach out to me and say, Hey, I wrote this sketch. I think you're perfect for it. You want to do this little, you know, video where we're, we're just going to, we're, we're be acting together over, over zoom or something.

And I'll be like, yeah, like, like, how am I going to say no to that? That sounds like a lot of fun. You're, you're doing a lot of the work on the backend. I just get to show up and act. I mean, dude, that sounds amazing. So if I would, if I'm willing to do that, I imagine a lot of your other friends from the studio and elsewhere would want to do it too.

But by reaching out and making someone else involved, that's a way of creating a false pressure where now all of a sudden you feel like if you don't do it, there's, there's some form of consequence. Absolutely. And, you know, I feel like that's what I'm missing is, is accountability. You know, so if I did call you guys or I did, I did talk to my friends from class, that would give me some accountability.

And then at that point, I know a hundred percent I would, I would do what I was going to say I was going to do. So that's really excellent advice. You know, I didn't even think of that. But thank you for that. That's, that's going to help me. Yeah. Yeah. Do that. And, and, you know, I remember I did something way back in the day when I was trying to, a picture of myself on Facebook every day and I told everyone I was going to be doing this thing, whatever.

I can't remember what it was, but it was like 60 days and I would just take a selfie and I had to, I had to report in that I worked out that day. And that type of, again, like, I don't know who looked at it. I hardly even go on Facebook. I was just actually posting. I was not even looking that much, but the fact that I said I was going to do it, even if one person was watching, I didn't want to, I didn't want to not do it because I didn't want people to think I was just someone who didn't follow through with what I said I was going to do.

So yeah, I think that's, that's key for you. If you can figure out how to create the false pressure, add accountability, but accountability in such a way that's fun, engaging, loving, you know, cause here's the deal. You can also finish that real by Friday and not have it be perfect because it's never going to be perfect, you know, and you could post part of it and then it's fine.

And you're still, it's still a work in progress. So you want to make sure that it's not a, not a pressure that's going to drive you down, but one that's going to motivate you and connect you to people and get you, you know, excited about what's going on. Absolutely. Totally. And I, and I believe in Tony Robbins, um, philosophy on, on relationships. And I, I use this in my own life and it's how, it's how my wife dropped in my lap like an angel.

Basically you, you write out the girl you want and I'm talking about perfect, you know, looks, intelligence, sense of humor, the way she, you know, everything, every little detail. And you write out this perfect girl and then you ask yourself the question when you, when you see this perfect girl, you say, what type of guy does that girl want to be with? And then you look at yourself in the mirror and you go, all right, we got some work to do.

Yeah. And then you, but then what's cool is then you focus on you, you focus on those things and you stop focusing on the girl, but you realize by, by making shifts in your own life, you are subconsciously attracting that, you know, that person that that's right for you, you know? And, and that's, that's how I met Leeann is, is literally, I stopped doing some of the things I was doing that was negative.

I turned to the Bible, uh, you know, and, and I was in no way or shape or form, um, even a good dude. I was just, I was on my way, you know, and I, and I still think I'm that way, but I was in process. Well, what's, what's crazy is I met the girl of my dreams who was also in process and, you know, if I hadn't picked up the Bible, she would not have even said hello to me, you know?

And I, and back then I was like, I, I still had no idea, you know, what I was doing or anything like that. Um, but I at least had made some decisions, some hard decisions and I had let go of, of women and let go of certain things and by letting go, boom, that's how, that's how it popped into my lap. So, you know, I can't guarantee it'll happen in any, any like timeframe of any kind, but I know that like attracts like, you know, and that you, you'll, you'll be like a magnet to the people that you want to be around as long as you keep becoming that person.

And that's absolutely true. Cause I'll, I'll just say, uh, and here's another, um, um, I guess compliment for you guys is that at work, my coworkers, a lot of them, three of them now have said to me, you know, Nick, you're like a different person. And they said that to me since I've been going to Dearing, they, they tell me you're like a different person now. Like we don't even recognize you.

You're so you're positive, you're confident. And, uh, they know that I'm, I'm, I'm doing acting. They know that I'm going to Dearing and they say, wow, maybe I should check this place out. Yeah. You know, they, they see how, how would the improvement, you know? And since I, since I, I've been changing in that way. Um, and like you said that the people I want to be around are like, there's a magnetism there, and there definitely is, you know, and I can feel it.

Um, and, uh, you know, someone else has told me, it seems like your, your heart is open now. That's awesome. You know, and they say, well, I feel like, well, maybe that's why there's such this magnetism between me and, and other people were before there really wasn't, you know? And I, I do feel like my heart is more open and I, I just feel like, um, I guess ascending, uh, from where I was before, since I started with you guys.

That's unreal, dude. And let me tell you, okay, I'm going to just say this really quick. Next time someone says that to you, say, yes, you should go there by the way, because number one, it will help us. But number two, I believe this with my whole heart. When you change the people around you change or the people around you change. So what, what that means is either people are going to drift away from your life.

You can still love them, but they're not going to kind of fit in the world that you currently are in, or the people who are around you are going to want a little bit of what you got and they're going to ask, they're going to start getting curious. And that's, what's happening is they're, they're like, Hey man, like what Wheaties are you eating? Like, tell me about that a little bit, you know, and you can guide them in here.

And depending on how that goes, that's what I'm talking about working with us. Like who knows? We don't know the future, but you may have a place in, in helping us help people, you know, cause that's the whole goal. And if you're, if you're a case study and you can turn around, cause that's the goal for me is as soon as I learned something or, or achieve something or whatever, immediately I want to reach back and help the next guy.

You know, I want to go like, Hey, I, even if I'm wrong, I love going like guys, I've been teaching it wrong for two years. Cause now there's a better, faster way to get to the same information. You need to learn it this way instead. You know, and I have no, I have no problem telling everybody that I was wrong in order, in order to, to bring new light to a new idea, you know, cause even me being wrong, I can look back and go.

When I was wrong, I was giving what I thought was right at the time and it was the best that I knew. And so I'm okay with that, you know? So yeah, dude, that's amazing. If you're getting the people around you to be curious about bettering themselves, I mean, dude, that's, that means you're on the right track for sure. Yeah. And there's a few of them that, that do, that do watch, um, that do watch the podcasts and stuff like that.

Now what you got to do, and this would be my last piece of advice for the show. Cause I know we got to wrap here, but my, my, my last piece of advice is you take the, the change that's happening right now and just act as if it's forever. And rather than being scared of that, just go all in on what you can do to try to, to try to like stake your claim in the new world.

And I think I said this yesterday too, but the, the idea here is when the internet came out, some companies were scared of the internet and they're like, this is like, this is not going to last. It's a fake thing. It's, you know, whatever. And those who didn't go in and didn't innovate through it died. Then like streaming came along because blockbuster didn't go all in on it.

They died. Like they're out of business. You know, I mean, I don't know if you know the story or not, but they were, they had the opportunity to buy Netflix. Netflix offered. Yeah. They offered their company to blockbuster and blockbusters like you guys aren't going to be around in five years. So we're not worried about you and whoops is exactly right. So you take a company like Amazon, who's obviously killing it.

And I'm, you know, I've got my own feeling about Amazon because they're, they're kind of like a crazy, like scary giant. But yeah, one of the reasons why is because those dudes are fearless, you know, they go into things and they say, well, we're going to like figure it out. We're going to be a part of this new wave. And some things have worked out for them, some, some haven't, you know, but, um, but they're willing to innovate.

They're willing to be on the front lines of the new stuff. And I think that's why, you know, they're doing as well as they're doing. So if you can put yourself in that category of people, and instead of being worried about what's going to still be the same and what, you know, what's not going to be the same. If you just imagine that this, the way you're living right now is forever.

And rather than being scared of that, think to yourself, how could, what would I do if that were true? And how could I maximize that? Like, how could I, how could I stake my claim in this new territory quickly before everybody else gets there? And, and then assuming a lot of things go back to normal, you've just put yourself ahead of everybody else because you were still like, you were basically racing against time.

Like I am, you're racing against the 30 days trying to stake your claim in the new world before everybody else does. And then when things kind of go back to normal, you're the one that has all the new technology and has the new way of doing things and has the new, you know, knowledge and skills and whatnot. And so in, in whatever area you're in and whatever job, whatever you want to do, you're going to be ahead of everybody else who just sat back and allowed the fear to sort of take over their day.

Cause I'm not saying you're not going to be scared cause I am, you know, I'm scared. I'm scared every day. I mean, there's a new type of fear now, but I, I purposely put the fear of God in me not to wake up. I put the fear, I, I, so many fears that I've, I've worked on and controlled and tried to create for myself that would help me be successful.

And what I did was I sort of transmuted that fear into something where I'm still afraid, but I'm, I'm now afraid of it ending versus it being afraid of it, not ending, you know? Yes. And you know, the right amount of fear can be a great motivator if you use it the correct way, which is what I think you're saying, you know? Yeah. Um, and it's just the balance between there.

You're, you're not getting freaked out about something, but like, like you said, to transmute it would be incredible, you know? And that's something that I, you know, fear has energy to it, right? I like a lot of energy. So what you do is you say, how can I use the energy? You know, I want to recycle this energy and rather than letting it drive me down into the couch, into the chips, let me use the energy to drive me into something.

Even if it's like this, this insane, like work ethic towards something that may or may not come true. At least I'm driving towards something that I know is going to worst case scenario, make me smarter. Absolutely. Yeah. Dude, you're an awesome dude, Nick. We've said that since day one. You definitely belong in our community. We love having you over here. So don't be a stranger in and out of class, dude.

We want to hear from you. Okay. Absolutely. I'll be in touch. And, um, I, I do want to be involved as much as I can be with you guys. So I'll, I'll be giving you guys a call here soon. Set something up. All right. We appreciate it. Okay. Everybody. Thank you so much for tuning in to mornings with Matt. We are here every morning, 7am. Thank you for tuning in.

Thanks, Matt. Thanks for listening to mornings with Matt. Please like subscribe and follow us at Dearing acting studio to keep up with the latest content. For more information on classes, private lessons, or professional development coaching, visit www.dearingstudio.com Have a Dearing day, everyone.