The Power of Focus: You Are What You Think About, the 13-Minute Rule, and the Class That Made Me Start Over

This is the Dearing Acting Studio Podcast, where we discuss the connection between life and acting. All right, welcome back, everybody, to the Dearing Acting Studio Podcast. I am Matthew Dearing, and I'm here with my man, Joey Sweeney. Jay Slizzle, what's going on, buddy? Not much. Joey's so mad at me, because I'm touching the board right now. I got, if you're watching this video, you know that I got a little bit upset.

He's like, why are you touching my board, bro? Yeah, well, it was just like the awkward reach-across thing. It's like when somebody, like, instead of asking, hey, can you pass me that? They just, like, grab it from right around you, and you're just like, okay. But, okay, so dark to light here. Mm-hmm. You know, you were listening, and I think interested. You were like, oh, he's doing a slightly different intro.

But then you went to grab your drink. Oh, yeah. So your hands were taken, and I was thinking, hey, it's about time to start lowering this thing down. So literally, I was trying to help, but I get it, because, I mean, normally this is your domain. Yeah. It's sort of like, don't do this. For sure. For sure. Yeah. So. This is my baby right here. Your baby?

Yes. This is my child. You know what it is, Joey? And I got to thank you on this podcast, because you do such a great job with the producing of this, and you're self-taught, studio-taught, you know? A hundred percent. You're here. We learned some old equipment, and then we brought in some new equipment, and you made a commitment to me. I made you make a commitment. I said, hey, we're going to invest in this stuff, but I want to take it next level, but I need somebody who can be dedicated to learning this, because truthfully, I want to.

Yeah. I don't necessarily have the time, and so I need you to focus, and you did, and I got to tell you, you're doing a great job on all this stuff. Well, thank you. I appreciate that. And you know what? It goes back to what you said. You know, I made that commitment, and it's one of those things where I'm a person, thanks to you, and thanks to this place, where slowly I've learned to be a man of my word more and more and more, and that's one of those things where, like, honestly, you told me, you were like, hey, I'm going to get all this new equipment, not just for the podcast, but these cameras we're using, and the stuff we're using to go next level.

We are using it to spread this great content to the world, to teach lessons that we get inside the studio from you, and so I consider it my responsibility to do that, because it's important that the stuff we do here gets out. Well, thank you, and you're doing an amazing job. So what I want to talk about today, we decided to dive into this book that I'm writing.

So I've been writing this book called The Best Listener in the Room for about two years now. Actually, almost exactly two years, which I'm going to be doing a podcast on tomorrow. I'm doing regular clapping instead of the sound effects, because I really messed up the last time we used sound effects on a podcast. We should practice this, the sound effects. So what you've got to do, hold on, hold on.

You've got to have it down. Okay. Hit the applause, and then bring it up and bring it back down so that you have control over the timing of it. You know what I mean? Yeah. So here we go. So there was something that somebody did, and it was really great. You know what I'm talking about? It was this thing. Yeah, that's perfect. So you kind of bring it.

Right. So you're relying on like, oh, I got to hit this, and then it's got to come in and out the perfect timing, and you're always going to miss. So you hit it early, kind of come up, come back down. That's so cool. I would have never thought of that. So I'm, anyway, I'm going to dive into the book, the book that I'm writing. And right now, I've been struggling on this chapter three.

And what's funny about it, a little bit to me, is I've already finished the book. I finished writing this book about a year ago, and the edit part has been so hard. This was the first book you wrote, actually, right? Correct, yeah. So we produced, you produced, like you got out there, the acting is my day job, seven strategies to market and make money as an actor.

Right. But that wasn't the first book, like that wasn't your first book idea. You started writing Best Listener in the Room first. I did. That's right. That's right. I wrote this, and I finished it. And what happened was, I was excited that I finished writing the book, and then I went back to start editing chapter one, and it had been a year, and I had never written before.

So when I got to the end of the year, and I went back to chapter one, I was so depressed at how bad of a writer that I was. And I tried to rewrite, and I got kind of stuck. But then I did what we like to tell people, which is go get some expert help. Like, just go out there, and there's no excuse not to finish.

You got to find a way. So I found an editor who was really great. But what she did was she kind of framed everything in a new way and opened my mind to these new ideas, which I'm very excited about. But it was a start over point for me. So each chapter has been this, like, grind. But I'm very grateful for the grind. Yeah. It's just been a grind.

So anyway, I'm in this chapter three now, and I've had a hard time focusing. And Joey knows this is funny because the chapter is called Focus. That's, thank you, the name of the chapter. And so I thought maybe I'd talk a little bit about this chapter three and kind of where I'm at right now and see, I don't know, if you have any questions or if any of the live audience out there has any questions about Focus and kind of how to tune in.

Because it's seriously something I've been working on the last two weeks. I think it's this ongoing process. But it's so powerful and really, really deep. Yeah. I would love to have you go into that. And I'll go on to our iPad really quick, and I'll give them a number to call. Okay, cool. So there was this time when I was just first starting acting. And some people have heard this story before.

You've probably heard this story. But you weren't there. And I was a newer actor, and I had all the same problems that I see every new actor have. I had the wrong stars in my eyes, the wrong focus, truthfully. And I show up to this master acting class out in L.A. And I think I'm kind of like a who's who. And there's all these famous people in the class.

And I get up on the stage, and the teacher just stops me and rips me. And I got stopped within like the first couple sentences, just like I stopped people in our master class. But I didn't understand back then what a gift it was to get stopped. And so when I left that day, I was feeling really, really depressed because the teacher literally told me I have to go and start over.

I had to pick a brand new scene and relearn a 20-minute scene in two days. I'm in a foreign town, not foreign, but foreign from Arizona. I'm in L.A., so I don't, you know, I don't know all the stores. I mean, I don't know my way around town. I have to go buy a new play. I have to go find the play. Which play was it? It was Split by Michael Weller.

The one that they made a movie off of like a year or two ago. Yeah, yeah. And the personalities? And what's, no, no, not that. It's the, it was about a married couple that Split, but they're younger. So I was trying to do the play The Kill Deer, which I love that play. I've always loved that play. Yeah, we've done that in our master class before. Totally, but the problem was I wasn't grown up enough to do that play, and that's what he told me.

He's like, you don't know life yet. You can't be in this play. And it was hard for me to take that. I mean, that's a little bit of a slap in the face if you're not ready for that kind of information. And so, anyway, I went back to the hotel room that night, and I was mad and sad, and then all of a sudden it hit me, and I was like, I'm not going to let this guy tell me what I can and cannot do.

He's going to see me on stage in two days. And I looked at my scene partner, and I'm like, we're going. Get up. We're about to crush this thing. So we find the play. Brian was there, actually, your brother. And he was a young buck, let me tell you. But Brian was always giving in the way that he is now. And I tell people, get help, right?

I'm big on that. So I asked for help. And Brian, God bless him, he stayed up with me two nights in a row. I didn't sleep for 48 hours. Really? And I memorized a 20-minute scene. Wow. And memory was not my strength. My scene partner, no problem. No, it's not yours or Brian's. No, but you know what? One of Brian's strengths is patience. He does have that.

Yeah. Yeah, 100%. And I always tell people, if you want a memorization coach, go to Brian. Mm-hmm. Ask me about the technique, go to Brian, because he's going to be able to sit there with you for 12 hours and have the patience while you fail to sit there and help. Yeah. Someone like me is going to be like, hey, go to Brian, then come see me when you're done.

You know? 100%. So I've got to give him so much credit, actually, because without him, I don't think I would have made it on the stage. But I committed to that. And I show up, and it was such a different experience the second time around. The same teacher who ripped me was literally jaw dropped. He's like, just agape. And he looks at the class, and he looks back at us, and he goes, you see, this is what can happen when you're committed.

And then he looked at us, and he said, why aren't you doing this every day? Blew my mind. He's like, if you worked like this every day, and he looks at the class, if you all worked like this every day, you could have any acting job you want. And he was right. Yeah. And the truth is, back then, I didn't know how to take that information. I didn't 10x, but I felt like a million bucks that day.

And I kind of rode the high of the class for a while, and definitely, you know, I used that as a springboard for my career and different things. But I didn't, I didn't know what I didn't know, you know, like now, I would have been like, oh, yeah, let's do this thing. But back then, I was just like distracted and everything else. But what I realized, what happened was, whether it was for the right reasons or not, what I was gifted with was this insane amount of focus for 48 hours.

Yeah. And he was right, because I was able to accomplish more than I thought I was capable of doing just because somebody forced me to be focused. And you're a competitive dude. I am a very competitive dude. That's 100%. So he challenged you. And you didn't, you didn't, you're not going to back down from a challenge. Like, we know Matthew Dearing. Matthew Dearing doesn't back down from a challenge.

So that, I think that's, that's a huge part of it is like, he said, like, you're too young to do this. You can't do this. Like, why aren't you focused? Right. You're like, really? All right. Let's, let, let me show you what I can do. That's right. And so what he did was he got me mad on purpose. And then afterwards said, you're welcome. And then you transmuted it to, to your work.

Totally. Instead of just being angry. Totally. Because like, because like you had that choice. You could just be angry and not show up. You know, you lose money, but you, you could, you know, that's, that's quitter's mentality, but you could have done it. And that would, and that would have been, it really did. It's, it steered my life in a different direction. Yeah. Because I, I went back to that class again and the next time and the time after that was totally different because I knew what to expect.

And I, and I, and I grinded and whatnot. And I remember one time after my scene, he looked at me and he was like, Matthew, um, how are you feeling right now? And I looked him right in the eyes and I said, I'm going to be sitting in your chair one day. Yeah. You've told that story before. I love it. And he looks back at me and he goes, I know you will.

Because he could see the conviction in my eyes that I was 100% committed to it. And my reason, my why was good too. I didn't, I didn't even know it at the time, but my why was good. What I knew was my life had been forever changed. Yeah. And I didn't envy his seat. I actually just wanted to help people the way he had helped me. And the way I saw him helping other people, I just thought, wow, this is a really amazing thing that's happening in this room.

I want to be a part of it. I want to be a part of this movement of truth and honesty and, and using this craft to do something extraordinary. Yeah. And it's cool because you've given this example a couple of different times, but it, it's like, it seems like new information every time you say it. And that is like, when we talk about these motivational speakers and, and all the people we listen to look up to and, and expect to motivate us when we're down, when we need a YouTube video to just like get pumped, you know, they all recycle the same stuff, you know?

So they're saying the same thing in their own way. And I think that's what happened to you with this class. Like you said, you were like, I'm going to sit in your chair one day. Well, part of sitting in his chair one day was you took what you learned from him, that humility, that, that, uh, ability to push past what you think your limits are. And that's like a core foundation of the way you teach nowadays.

You teach from that truth, you teach from that pushing people beyond what they think they're capable of out of love. Yeah. And that's crazy because it's like, it's like your teachers really do become how you build yourself in the future when you, uh, when you look at it that way. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Um, so anyway, so I took this concept of focus and sort of what happened to me and I'm, and I'm bringing it in the chapter to today.

And, and that's the hardest part. I think it's like, you are what you think about. That's right. So even if you're thinking about it in a negative light, you're still thinking about it. Like you said, you're putting them in the same sentence. And so it's so hard to, to believe, but it's true that like when you negatively or positively say something about anything, you are putting that into your mind.

You are putting that into your universe. You're manifesting it, if you will, whether it's positive or negative. And that's the way it'll go. Absolutely. Like it's proven time and time and time again. And I see it in my life like more and more as I'm becoming more aware of these things where I'm just like, Oh yeah, I thought about that. And then, and then yesterday this happened.

Yeah. So my analogy to that in the book is I like to think of every moment of your life as if it's a, um, a photograph. Hmm. So I went to photography school and we learned a lot about depth of field and different things. Well, if you realize this, so, so if I'm, um, if I'm taking a photograph right in front of me right now, I can, I can change the focus with my eyes.

So like, let's do this exercise right now. So if you're, if you're looking forward, what are you seeing? What's in focus? What's the thing you see? Listen wall. Listen. Okay. So you see, listen wall. Now what I want you to do is realize what you didn't focus on, but was there the whole time actually in your vision was the microphone. You can actually see it. Yeah. But because I said, look forward, that went away and there's a bunch of other things you could choose to focus on.

Keeping your eyes in the same direction, you can, you can go in and out of different things. Yeah. I saw the fire extinguisher, like the camera, different things. So if I say only focus on that, only focus on that, only focus on that, then you would. But then if I was like, Hey, tell me about this over here. You'd be like, what's over there? What's over there?

Yeah. And it was there the whole time. You know, what's funny is that was one of my big things in, in acting. In masterclass. What's that? You used to, the fourth wall. Oh yeah. You used to beat the crap out of me for the fourth wall because I wouldn't notice what was on my side. And who knows? I still might because we're about to go back into masterclass.

You're going to be in the course, right? Oh yeah. You're going to be in there? Okay. Oh, how could you not? Like masterclass is one of the best experiences I've ever had as an actor. And it's so funny because I got beat up the most I ever have on stage. Well, I remember, I remember too, right after the very first day you ever saw masterclass, you were in the back and you were like, Matt, I'm, I have like 17 pages of notes.

Yeah. And I was like, dude, I'm so happy for you. Cause I knew you had never seen acting that was like this before. But you know, I asked you why, if you were going to take the class, because truthfully, yes, I mean, hopefully it's life changing every time. But the idea is, I mean, it is a commitment. 100%. When you sign up to be in masterclass, you know, Hey, I'm going to be giving of myself here for a couple months.

I'm really going to be going all in on me to, to better myself and bring what I can to the table so that hopefully Matt can help me go next level. I mean, cause that's the whole goal. 100%. And, and you have to factor that into working with somebody else too. Right. Cause a lot of like everything we do in masterclass is scenes. So like, I would even say when you're working with like a new scene partner, it takes at least two weeks to just get warmed up to each other, get to know each other, understand where they're at and how they relate to what you do on stage and like really get that meld going.

So like there's so much time and work that has to be put in beforehand because if you don't have that, then it's so hard to go into class and get something concrete out of it. That's worth both your time and our time. Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. So we'll see. So we'll see. We'll see if the fourth wall is still an issue. We won't know. I'm not going to say it won't be, but I really, really hope that I'm able to overcome that.

Well, remember this. So let me give you the lesson now and you can practice it. It's, it's, it's about what you think. So if I look out this way and I think about the listen wall, then I'm staring at it and I'm thinking about that. If I'm thinking about me, I'll get caught thinking about me. If I'm thinking about not getting caught looking for the wall, I'm going to get caught because that's what I'm thinking.

And people can read your thoughts. Yeah. So what should you be thinking about? Should be thinking about what's going on in the scene. What? Yeah. You should be thinking about whatever the character would be thinking in that moment. Yeah. So then you come out and whatever the thought is that that character is having, that's when I say you have loose eyes because the eyes aren't focused on something.

They're, they're deep in thought. They just happen to be in this direction and the character, yeah, might see something, but there, it doesn't, it doesn't draw them and they're not trying to look out because they don't have to. Yeah. Yeah. It's one of those lessons that has stuck with me to say the least because it's just like it was very hard to work through that throughout the weekend and it transferred into my next masterclass too.

And I was like, am I ever going to be able to move my feet, you know, but, but it was so valuable, but it was, it was hard. It was hard to put in the moment to, to, to, to like you said about the focus, like to focus on that being something that I needed to overcome to get to the next level of where I wanted to go instead of just allowing myself to fully listen, fully give over, because honestly, it probably would have gotten much quicker if that was the case.

Well, you would have, we would have got, we would have earned the next lesson. Yeah. And you've seen this happening around here recently. Brian's coming in with a note here. He thinks he's going to be sneaky, but Brian, you're on live TV right now. You're on camera. So this piece of paper has, says password and is underlined. I just need the password for your computer. The password for the, oh, for Joey's computer?

Yeah. Joey's password. We're writing this down. Oh, hey, Brian, you're right there. You may as well just say hi on the microphone really quick. Hi. Sorry. Are you though? Are you really sorry? I am sorry. How's the, how's the private lesson going? It's wonderful. Awesome. Yeah, we talked about you on the beginning here, but you're, you're killing it. He's, he's doing a private lesson in the other room right now.

So pretty cool. Shabam. Did we talk about Brian? Yeah, we did. We talked about how he's, uh, overcome his lesson. No, we didn't. No, we did talk about Brian. I just forget what we said. I don't think we did. I think we were talking about him beforehand. Oh, maybe. No, I think we started with talking about Brian. All right. I mean, we usually do, but I don't know.

I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got, I'm not going to speak in an absolute, but I'm pretty sure. So, so here's the idea with focus. I'm going to come back to focus. I'm going to get us focused if I would. Yeah, please. So this is the, and this is the issue is I'm, as I'm going back into the, the reedit now, I have a different problem. So before I was worried because I was like, oh, I don't have enough to write about.

Then I wrote a ton and I came back and I was like, oh, I don't know how to edit this. So then I edited and now I'm going back and I have to, I have to simplify and to make something complicated into something simple, that's hard. And, and this idea of focus, it's so deep. So like, for instance, part of it is just your distractions in life, the distractions.

And how do I focus away from the distractions? Yeah. There's this thing I teach in the, at the corporate level called hyper focus. And when you get yourself into hyper focus, you can do 10 times more than what you can do if you're just doing stuff, but you have to protect yourself. So you got to put your phone away. You got to put all the, uh, all the notifications off.

You have to literally put yourself in a tunnel. And if you do that, you can, you can, I mean, 10 X what you're doing. I know a lot of people use 10 X, but, but you can 10 X your productivity. The issue is if you get distracted, if you get pulled out of that hyper focus state, it takes 13 minutes to get back in. Yep. 13 minutes.

You talk about that a lot with our team. Yeah. So the, especially when you first learned it, you were like, guys, I learned this new thing and we're like, we got to be more careful around the office because we do it to each other constantly. Constantly. And, and I, I talk about it because as soon as I learned something, I want you to learn it. But here's the idea.

How often do you go 13 minutes without some sort of pop-up in your life? A person popping in, a text message popping in, a notification on your phone. You can't go 13 minutes without being interrupted unless you protect yourself. Yep. So that's the idea is like, do that. And then you can get more done in that time and then focus on the next thing, whatever the next thing is.

And it might be your text messages. Like that's fine. Yeah. So that's, that's one part of focus. The other part of focus is this, this soft focus deal that I was talking about a second ago, as far as what do you, what do you focus on? Well, think about your life and if something happens today, which part of the, the happen are you going to focus on?

Yeah. So I got in a, let's just pretend I got in a car crash today. What am I going to focus on? Am I going to focus on the insurance bill? Am I going to focus on the dented car? Am I going to focus on being worried about this or that? Or am I going to focus on the fact that I'm alive? Yeah. The fact that I survived, the fact that I'm lucky and you, and it's, it's that idea of like this comes into, into focus, this goes out of focus.

And I, I, I've taught my kids this since day one and now I'm using it with everybody because it's so simple. Focus on the good and good things happen. If you focus on the good, good things happen. It's just like you said a second ago, what you think becomes your reality. So you have to, you have to protect that mind from the things that are coming in and understand that like sometimes if someone's talking about something, you can just go, I don't want to hear that.

Yeah. Please don't include me in this conversation because that's just something I don't care to stick in my brain because it's going to sit in there and it's going to try to kick itself back out. Yep. But if you want to talk about wealth, prosperity, you want to talk about people who are taking their lives to the next level. Yeah. Yeah. Fill me with that stuff. Like I want to hear more about that.

A hundred percent. And that's such a big deal because it's like you said, it's it, you have to control it for yourself. You have to protect yourself. Right. Because we're in a world where everything is available to you, which is awesome, but you got to use it correctly. That's right. Because it's, it's an advantage and it's a disadvantage and it's about how you use it. Yeah. So let's, let's take, let's take social media for instance.

So if I were to jump on social media, it'd be, it'd be for one of two reasons. Number one, because I want to put something good out in the world. Yeah. Or number two, because I want to receive something good from somebody else. Yep. So there are people that I respect. Let's just take Gary V for example, because a lot of people know who that is. I respect him.

I think he speaks the truth and he does so in an entertaining way, but I can't get hooked on it. I can't get like addicted to his stuff where I'd watch it eight hours. Yeah. Because he has so much content. But I can, so I could get, I could get addicted, but what I'm saying is I can't let myself. Yeah. But what I can do is I can go on there and learn something new or, or hear the same thing I'm talking about from a different angle and go, boom.

And then I can say, thank you. I can be grateful for that moment, but then I got to put it down. Yep. So hopefully somebody could pick up on this and go, oh, I got something new. I got something great. Then put it down. And then what are you going to do? Hopefully you put something good out in the world or you go focus on the next thing for you.

That would be the goal. Yeah. A hundred percent. And I think each person has their catalyst. Yeah. So for me, sports. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And I was proud because this year I've done so much better than I've ever done in the past, but there's still so much growth that can happen where it's like you, you read one article and then it's like, ah, I gotta see this one.

And then they're titled on purpose to suck you in. Yeah. And especially if you're like a big fan. Not only that, but they know you intimately because the computer, the machine has been memorizing everything you like. Yeah. Your deepest, darkest secrets. They know exactly how to get to you. Which is scary. It's scary, but that's why go back to this idea, what you focus on. So now you realize not only do I have to protect my mind, I got to protect what I give the machine because whatever I give the machine, that's what it's going to kick back to me.

Yep. So I realized, hey, if I'm getting suggested certain things, what have I been telling the machine? Yeah. I've been thinking certain things, I've been typing certain things, and now that's what's coming back at me. Yep. As soon as you take accountability for that, you take accountability for your focus, guaranteed you're going to take your life next level. 100%. There's literally, like, it's impossible that it wouldn't happen because when you do that, it's, you are literally changing your life.

It's not even just a choice. It is, it changes your life in every way. Because one thing leads to another, leads to another. And like you said, going into that deep work. Well, and once you understand, too, that you are responsible for the people around you as well. So if I get distracted, then I know I'm more likely to pull you into distraction. That's not okay with me.

Yeah. It's not okay for me to take you out of a good hyper-focused state. So I have to be aware of me and accountable for me because I want to make sure that I'm helping you go next level. And once you realize that, it's like, dude, everyone around you is affected by every decision you make. And as you change, the people around you have the opportunity to change.

Yeah. And they're either going to change or they're going to change. It's so funny because I realized that I totally did that to Brian this morning where I came in and I had such a fun energy and I was just feeling very grateful to be here, to be loved. So you infected him with good? I infected him with good energy, but he was trying to focus. Okay.

So it was like- So that can go both ways. Yeah. Yeah. And the question would be, and we'd have to ask him, I don't know, but was he focused and grumpy and he needed the lift? Yeah. Or was he focused and focused and didn't need the distraction? And you probably don't know, or you do, I don't know, but if you're not listening well enough, you could be selfish in your positive energy.

And that's a weird thing to think. Like I'm positive coming in with love and energy and yet I'm actually being selfish to you right now. And I got to bite my tongue and go, oh, I can't wait to tell you how much I love you or how much I'm excited to see you, but I have to wait because clearly you're in the zone. Yeah. And I got to respect that.

Yeah. It was pretty funny. I came in and I blasted, uh, cats in the cradle on the speakers because we were just talking the other day cause it came up in your show. Well, so let's, let's, let's get off that for a second. When you, when you did it, had you already checked in with him? Like, were you aware of him or were you just like, I'm going to do this thing?

I checked in with him. I had come down and given him a hug and like messed around with him. So the, so the, uh, so the question you just have to ask yourself so you can hold yourself accountable was, was that for me or was that for him? Oh, it was for me. Yeah. Yeah. So then you, then you go, that, that was my bad and whatever he didn't get done is on me.

Yeah. And then he's got to ask himself, what was I doing and would I have gotten it done if it wasn't for that? And you're both have a chance. You both have the opportunity to grow in that moment. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. All right. That is our time today. Thank you so much everybody for tuning in. Thank you. This is the Dearing Acting Studio Podcast. Have a Dearing day, everybody.